@Shelbyville

Mother nature has visited, definitely not pregnant. It was impossible but somehow I wanted to be. I know I wouldn’t enjoy runs whilst I’m suffering!! I thought you can’t go out when self-isolating? I live in the city so would bump into people, my neighbour is also a curtain twitcher and tattle tale so I can’t be dealing with that crap or being fined! I have work to do from home but don’t feel as productive when I’m under the weather. I lay there staring at the ceiling and just think think and think! Not great for me currently.

To distract myself, I completed reading your whole thread today! You’ve helped loads of people but have you really loved and helped yourself?

Just my POV and food for thought, I think there could be some unresolved emotions you have not dealt with about ex, self-worth, and attachment issues. This week will be 2 years since you broke up properly from the ex. First of all CONGRATS, you survived! Be proud.

Now for some real analysis – could be off, but it appears before that third reunion attempt you jumped into a few dates in Jan 19 realised you wanted another try with the ex, 3rd attempt happened in March-May but ended for good. The resentment comment by the ex spurred you to move forward three months on in Aug where there is no way you would have been emotionally available, I’m not after 6 months. You met your poor guy friend who appears to have got caught in the crossfire of your emotions. He definitely sparked something in you to attempt dating properly, he helped you up too and it appears you may have used him, I don’t know if that was intentionally/unintentionally but it would explain his unreliable behaviour towards you when you became just friends. That must have been painful, I do hope you did not lead him on to fill a need because you mentioned you felt sneaky. During quarantine when most relationships were breaking, without his presence, you began to feel something more but I’m guessing something happened between you two as you said the lines were drawn. You then discovered your ex has definitely moved on over an app and shortly after the guy friend and ex news you started casually dating two people, guy 1 you didn’t even like much but cried over. Guy 2 you don’t appear to be getting your needs met fully but you are clinging for a reason only known to you. You have pretty much been nonstop in/out of relationships since ex, most likely to feel loved, it wouldn’t surprise me if you had back up options lined up when things went south with one of the new people you were dating. If this insight holds any truth then I’d say step back and recentre yourself. Ask yourself if the ex miraculously had a change of heart and came back right now, what would you really do? Your words were few weeks back;
“As for my ex, I wish I could say I’m over him and so much better and have great self worth. But it’s not that, I now accept the situation, but I don’t see myself as being better off”

The reason being single is important is because you can’t know who you are if you’re constantly with someone. You can’t really appreciate the lessons and have proper emotional closure from your previous relationship if you’re almost immediately sliding into a new one. Old wounds never heal this way. You may have acceptance but you don’t have all the other things in line to be in a healthy relationship yet. If you continue as you are you’ll get hurt or you’ll hurt others unknowingly.

IF THE ABOVE IS ENTIRELY INCORRECT then ignore BUT IT IS MY HONEST THOUGHTS BASED ON WHAT I READ.

Back to right now, I think because you are not self-confident, it comes across as you will settle for less than you deserve. Probably the most harmful thing about being in a relationship where you don’t know what you want is that it makes you passive. If you were confident and knew exactly what your needs/wants were you’d assert them. It is why you probably get caught up in a ball of anxiety because there’s a conflict there and a huge part of you seeking validation.

You owe it to yourself foremost and to your partner to be intentional about your decisions. It’s not worth staying in a relationship just for comfort’s sake or because you are afraid of being alone. You kind of already know you are dissatisfied but keep uttering I’m not strong enough to walk away. What scares you about standing up for yourself at least?

Your ex you knew for years so can’t compare him to the new guy, it would be unfair. Shouldn’t really compare anyone to be fair. You judge people by their actions. Does this person make me feel special? How much effort is he putting in to meet me halfway? Is he consistent?

The more details you are revealing it does appear it may possibly be that he suffers from low self-worth/insecurities or depression.

Long-lasting sadness or irritability – with work
High and low moods – sometimes excited by you sometimes not (hot/cold)
Social withdrawal – sleep and music
Inability to feel pleasure or take interest in activities – needs a jolt from a horror film

Although you may be getting just enough now in his presence you really need to weigh up if you suffering anxiety and him possibly depression/insecurity issues is a good mix long term. If it is healthy? You require a lot of support yourself. Two broken people either fit together perfectly or destroy each other beyond repair.

All this conjecture, you are the only two people who know exactly what is happening, so the only way to find out is to talk it out. Communicate! Ask without being reserved or scared of the answer. The more you talk about things with substance instead of general chit chat over the phone, the more you’ll discover. It shouldn’t be this hard. x