@Shelbyville

You’re welcome, I did read all this thread not so long ago from the very beginning and have a photographic memory. So I  remembered Kkasxo in Oct and yours in Dec.  Everyone else hasn’t stated theirs but I’d be happy to recall anyone else’s special day, everyone deserves a birthday wish ❤

I did want to ask you about your insight and journey on where you are at because you are further down the line now and I look forward to getting to that place too one day soon…

I feel with Covid, I’m suspended in limbo. I don’t think it’s a great time to seek out a relationship because everyone’s just feeling lonely, bored and looking for comfort. I want to find my lasting love! Happy to take my time and grow first.

I actually said goodbye to my ex forever, it kind of brought all the feelings up again. I had previously told him lets take a year apart, date others and see where we end up but I felt I was giving hope to both of us when in my heart, mind and gut.. I knew I was holding on because of the co dependency and familiarity but I knew it wasn’t healthy after the amount of times we had tried, too much water under the bridge to start afresh. So I told him it’s completely done. I changed my number, removed any mutual friends from my socials and I have moved back to my parents and just focusing on me and WFH. Any attempts by him I will not entertain.

I needed that unconditional support and love so I didn’t slip into old patterns – alcohol!! So it’s been good being with my family, although I don’t forsee me staying with them for too long, I do actually like my independence it seems.

Anyway how exciting – a suite!!!!!! Someone’s going to be busy this weekend with a whole load of lurvvvving! What did he buy you? How’s things with your fav sister and family did they put feelings aside to spoil you too?

You’ve come a long long way, I’m so happy you are being treated in the way you deserve. Having read all this thread you do know your guy friend you also projected the exact same so obviously it’s old patterns! I recall you saying you thought he was in “puppy love” yet he made you feel golden, had a lot of emotional understanding for you. That was a person who too expressed what he saw in you but you obviously let your own self doubts and low self esteem sabotage that it seems.

If you let your fears and neediness take over you’ll cause your BF to feel overburdened and resentment will kick in because he’ll feel whatever he does is not enough. You’ll leave him feeling worse about himself and then wanting an out. It doesn’t mean the love is not real it just means the person has a strong self esteem to know in a relationship they deserve to feel good too and if it’s not being offered to cut losses.

Don’t let your mind do it again and again- you will sabotage all your opportunities of happiness! Just accept the moment for what it is. You are being loved, you deserve that and you should let it develop without fear. Real love is a risk a 50/50 one. Sometimes it works out but sometimes it doesn’t. But putting your heart on the line, being vulnerable is part of actually letting any love in and allowing it to grow. Don’t focus on is he going to get bored and leave me eventually – your self esteem should be strong enough that you personally focus on what you need and give your best self to someone else. That you never cling or want to stay in a relationship where you are not wanted and loved.

Focus on things like, does this person actually cater to my needs, are our values aligned, is he someone who accepts my flaws, all the type of questions Tim and Danny asked of their partners. Is he someone who is self aware and capable of growing in the long term nourishing a strong relationship with me once the lusty honeymoon phase wears off.

Do you feel your BF accepts and is understanding of your anxiety, panic attacks being part of you as you can’t get rid of it. It will be with you long term so he needs to accept it.

If the answer is YES then you’ve found someone worthwhile risking it for!

Do you now at least feel you did deserve better than your ex and your current relationship isn’t a passive choice because you were forced to move on?

I feel happier for setting myself free from my ex, i thought I’d never be strong enough but I was and it hurt all over again but I’m feeling stronger now for doing it. I’m proud of myself.

However, there is that niggling fear in my mind that I’ll never find the type of relationship or connection I feel I really deserve i.e. the one Tim and Danny have with someone who really gets them for who they are and wants to grow with me. Just need to be optimistic for whatever the future holds.

Btw, I don’t want to come across as jealous  because Tim and Danny I’m really so glad you both have found something special. I just after hearing it really want the same. To feel understood and safe that my partner accepts me. I guess I want the type of love I gave my ex. Wholehearted and unconditional.

@Kkasxo I’m glad to read you are choosing YOU. You are incredibly special and the right guy when the timing is right will come in and put a ring on it. You have self awareness, depth, courage and an abundance of love so well done on doing what will lead to a more fulfilling life! Growth is painful but so worth it x