@Kkasxo

I’m really sad to read how much you are struggling of late. My heart breaks that you can’t be with your nana. My prayers are with your family and I hope you get to make the most out of technology and facetime or videocall. I know you’re with Mr A and I hope he does something to return that incredible gesture. Look how big your heart is, even when parting you are showing him kindness.

That feeling of just wanting to shut yourself off from the world and retreat is so familiar.

It is okay to want some space, do what feels most peaceful. I will say don’t isolate yourself to the point where it makes you feel more empty, unwanted and drives you further into a spiral. For me it drove me to alcohol just to numb myself.

Come on here and scream and write those messy thoughts out. If you don’t want any interaction, we will just post gentle reminders and encouragement so you feel heard and not alone.

You are a such a brave and beautiful soul. I know you are feeling sad for yourself, you probably thought you’d be at a different point in life but we will get there just at a different pace.

It’s easy to place blame on yourself for what’s happened. But you’re right you didn’t deserve to go through hell, you didn’t deserve to have your heart broken and confidence shattered.

Try to think about it the way I do now; our exes were perfectly fine with hurting the heart who loved them the most. They lost out not us! I mean if they were the one for us all the shit we went through and going through wouldn’t be happening.

I don’t know if you are spiritual but it is the universe or God’s way in eventually leading us to the one who will understand us, will show up and despite our wounds love us unconditionally. The best is yet to come!

You need to show yourself the same compassion you gave to other posters on this thread. You are were never the problem. You are not unloveable. Don’t let these thoughts consume you that you end up losing all optimism for the future.

You may be depressed slightly especially with being away from family, nana and Mr A exiting? I know what it’s like to feel alone, but you’re not. I’m just one of the many people who are here for you and will listen. Don’t ever feel scared to ask for help from this thread as well as your GP.

I know you are so strong especially to have got to where you are after the trauma you faced and grief at hands of Mr A. To fight back is strength and you’ve been doing that for so long, it’s okay to need a helping hand from time to time.

This year is nearly over. Bury the past and just focus on YOU. You can’t change the events of the past or other peoples selfish actions. Let karma do its thing. You need to start loving yourself so the trauma can no longer haunt or define you in your mind. Because Kkasxo if I was to describe you your trauma would represent your strength. Your relationship would represent your capacity of love, forgiveness. Your are a beautiful, kind soul.

The poison we have endured stops with us. Set yourself free, Tim and Danny were fortunate to have angels bless them and then guide them to the light and they then fought for their angels.

Maybe we just have to be our own angels and see the light and fight for ourselves and we will still win xxxxxx