Hey @Kkasxo,

Fingers crossed it’s a YES! I will keep you updated on project put a ring on it ahahaha.

Did you manage to have a decent Xmas given the circumstances? How’s your nan?

Back to the rat race on the 7th for me, a bit of time to see what will happen next and plan accordingly!

Based on what I’ve read on Mr A, here’s a male perspective;

Have you heard of the sunk cost fallacy? It is very much true in relationships as it is in business. You wouldn’t be the first smart, attractive and kind woman to go down this rabbit hole.

If your eventual goal was to get married and start a family one day with Mr A but he has been making empty promises and after the chance given he still hasn’t committed then this guy has a reason that he’s not vocalising. His actions speak louder though and he’s failed to meet your needs. You’ve held on in hope he will change because of how much you invested.

Sometimes due to the investment, the familiarity, the fear of starting again or being alone we are reluctant to leave and stay in unhappy relationships or relationships that deep down don’t meet our needs so it easier to convince ourselves to see it through – results in time wasted and a dead end.

Asking yourself the questions in my previous post helps to see if what you have is worthy of the risk. There’s going with the flow in casual dating but if it’s a serious long term relationship then there comes a point you need to address if you are actually aligned enough to grow the love and compromise.

ou can love someone very much but on its own, as you’ve disvovered, it will never be enough.

Never wait for a man to change or chase him.

This man has not recognised your real value, you didn’t deserve this; someone draining you emotionally,  physically and spiritually.

Love and content relationships are meant to give you energy, make you feel young again and inspired to be better. Not burnout, constant instability and no security.

You’ve probably had to drag him into every single milestone i.e. meeting the family, living together etc. Instead of him meeting you halfway by himself. This should have been a huge red flag but for reasons you only know or the sunk cost fallacy you stayed too long.

Not leaving early enough when needs are unmet always leads to resentment setting in. You deserve a fulfilling relationship with someone who will value and honour the incredible brave woman you are.

As hard as it seems, you’re making the right choice and it’s not too late! The choice that is most difficult often is the right one and will lead you to the right one. I can tell you love him very deeply and that’s a reflection of your heart but homie you deserve more. In time you’ll really believe it too – will take some work on the old self esteem and healing.

You’ll forever regret it if you stay further for his breadcrumbs. You have the time to fix this chapter by stepping up for YOU.

He is an incredibly immature, selfish person for not setting you free himself earlier instead he’s kept you around whilst clearly knowing he was not capable of fulfilling his promises to you.

It doesn’t make him an evil person but does make him a boy who doesn’t know what real love is, who he is, what he needs – very much like myself at the beginning of the year. You’re not his mother or his therapist. He didn’t learn from the follies when you gave him a chance- it’s a shame. I guarantee you down the road he will regret it.

Instead here you are again having to show him the way and make the tough choices. You deserve an equal footed partnership.

‘B’ showed me the real meaning of love, she showed me the light but ultimately it was up to me to prove myself and offer her a balanced relationship. Even though she is the kindest, most generous caring soul I’ve met she always had a strong sense of self that’s why she walked away for herself early enough, I was disappointed with her at first but I respected her so much more afterwards. I knew if I reunited with her it would be all or nothing, I would have to step up. Mr A. doesn’t appear to have done any of that growth.

You are stronger than you know homie. Letting go of someone you care and love deep down takes strength. Don’t let your kindness hinder your own happiness, be tough and set a stringent deadline for his exit. Sometimes tough love is needed to help oneself and others. He needs to learn the consequences of his actions (lack thereof).