Hi @NBC

To begin, mothers certainly do know best so I would follow her advice especially if it’s in line with mine 😉

Us men are useless at taking hints, so I’m not surprised those men,  even though you were instantly averse, kept trying they probably thought you were playing hard to get. Sometimes if there’s a challenge element it makes you more enticing and ego plays a role too.

It’s great you do not lead on or exhibit game playing. Take it from me it is infantile and immature behaviour which if a person hasn’t outgrown by high school indicates a serious lack of emotional intelligence and growth!

Your soul will feel better for it if you are 100% transparent and honest, even if that means rejecting someone.

Unless you’re the serious monogamous type one date is not dating, it’s an initial feeler to gauge if you should go on another date. It may just be a case of you need to accept it’s a simple number game and requires a bit of luck. If you really have a strong sense of self maybe you need to consider if there is any criteria you can relax or re educating yourself on. That may help stop you automatically filtering out many people before you have really given them a chance because amongst the ‘duds’ you might just find a ‘rough diamond’

Online dating is a lottery. If you’re patient enough you may end up finding a few you could see yourself with but then you have to count on that feeling being returned. For me it was always for casual purposes but I just happened to stumble across ‘B’ .

Falling for the potential is the worst thing you can do. You have to take things at face value. Where is this person at this given moment and is this person meeting my needs. Hedging bets on the person becoming the version you desire is most likely going to end in heartbreak.

I wouldn’t talk to him but you clearly haven’t moved on, you still want to bump into him or fantasising so there’s something still unfinished. If that feeling keeps niggling away beneath the surface then confront it. You need peace of mind one way or another. Unlike ‘B’ you haven’t reached peace on your own like she did with me. She was content if I never contacted her again. She pursued her happiness. She would never have contacted me first after I rebuffed her when she expressed her concern for me and my brother. She still cared but wanted to respect herself.

I think any heartfelt confession remains with you. Any sincerity is always remembered. So I’m sure even though he hasn’t been in touch unless he’s a narc, he will think about you too.

There’s never a textbook method that applies to all. Some love connections or stories do take the woman to do the chasing. That doesn’t mean the bond is any less because it didn’t fit the stereotypical examples we are fed. What you should focus on is this person deserving of the effort, does he meet your needs. Do you want another chance?

How you should approach it – well I think both your examples should be combined. Express your genuine emotions he left a lasting impression and questions and he needs to accept some accountability for his role . At the end of the day if you two are meant to be, the conversation shouldn’t be so difficult. It should be mature,  balanced and truthful.

When you start to make excuses for behaviour, that is YOU not exerting your boundaries. So if you are placating or minimising your own emotions so you can be happy ever after let me tell you that will never work. If he has made you feel a certain way then you are entitled to express that, his handling will show you what kind of person he is.

It’s been some time now since we spoke so do you feel any different. I’m glad you don’t get anxious from a late reply. I’m incredibly busy of late so I apologise if I don’t get back in a timely manner.

It’s a bloody shame you missed @Shelbyville presence. I think you’d learn from her greatly. I’ve tagged in case it triggers a response from the notification.

@Sammy mate you going ok?

@Kkasxo do let me know you’ve survived Covid, no response is concerning !!