Hi Tristan,

Happy to be of any help. I am just starting my therapy, can’t comment on anything yet, just had an introductionary session only.

My intrusive thoughts are not sexual in nature, but not any less disturbing. i can assure you it really bothers me too and I feel ashamed to talk about them to anyone. I havent told anyone apart from my therapist. They scare me. And just like in your case, they come in waves. There are periods when its gone for a while and its very quiet, but then out of nowhere it is there again. It is mainly in the form of strong images in my case.

From my own meditations over this, if it is any assurance to you and myself probably, intrusive thoughts are called intrusive because they are unwelcome and unpleasant and usually something a thinker wouldn’t ever imagine doing. For example, there are cases of women who just gave birth having really disturbing thoughts of them doing something to their newborn babies, like hurting them in some way. Ofcourse they are not going to hurt their babies, usually these thoughts pop because they are really really scared of something happening to their child.

I personally think behind these thoughts is deep fear. And instead of treating its effects, maybe it is best to face the fear. I’ll try CBT, and see if its helpful. but i know my thoughts are related to some fear that i don’t understand and can’t face yet.

Also, none of these thoughts ever mean you are going to act on them. The whole reason why you are writing here is because you are scared of them and deeply disturbed by them. If a thinker is not disturbed by violent or sexual unwelcome thoughts, he would act on them, find them pleasant, even. You are disturbed and scared, and this says something about the nature of these thoughts. Just meditate over your reactions to them. How these thoughts make you feel and why they make you feel this way. Maybe the answer is there.