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Am I gay or am is this an intrusive though

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  • #373761
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hello Tristan,

    Liking people, male or female, does not make you gay.  From what you have shared, I doubt very much that you are gay.  Meditation teaches you to let your thoughts come and go without attaching to them.  If such thoughts come into your head, don’t pay any attention to them, just let them go.  Alternatively, use the word ‘STOP’.  As soon as you notice these destructive thoughts, say to yourself ‘STOP’.  Replace them with more positive, nurturing thoughts.  Write a list for yourself of perhaps ten positive statements about yourself that you can use whenever you need to.  Become aware of your good qualities and focus on them.

    I hope it works out for you Tristan.

    Peggy

     

    #373767
    Tristan
    Participant

    Peggy,

    thank you so much for your advice I will use your tricks to hopefully get trough this. I really appreciate you responding to this.

    Thank you,

    Tristan

    #373887
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hello Tristan,

    I have a feeling you will be fine.  You are most welcome.

    Peggy

     

    #373915
    Nar
    Participant

    Hi Tristan,

    I have been having episodes of intrusive thoughts for 2 years now. It is having a much milder impact on my life and I think I had one or another form of OCD since I was a little kid. Washing hands obsessively, remuneration, getting stuck in thought loops. Im kind of used to it now and learnt to live with it. But  I signed up for a therapy, my therapist is recommending me to start CBT for me.

    I can tell from my experience that just knowing that a thought is just a thought and it comes and goes, not be impacted by it, is not always possible. I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like it is having a bad impact on your life and health, and I really recommend you sign up for a therapy.

    If you want to ask me anything, here to help!

    #373927
    Tristan
    Participant

    Nar,

    Thank you for responding to me. When you had these thoughts did you experience similar things or was it different from mine. Currently I’m trying my best for the thoughts to not affect me but the question is still there. I can’t get it out of my head. One day I feel great the next i feel horrible again. What exactly did your therapist recommend you do for CBT.

    Tristan

    #373950
    Nar
    Participant

    Hi Tristan,

    Happy to be of any help. I am just starting my therapy, can’t comment on anything yet, just had an introductionary session only.

    My intrusive thoughts are not sexual in nature, but not any less disturbing. i can assure you it really bothers me too and I feel ashamed to talk about them to anyone. I havent told anyone apart from my therapist. They scare me. And just like in your case, they come in waves. There are periods when its gone for a while and its very quiet, but then out of nowhere it is there again. It is mainly in the form of strong images in my case.

    From my own meditations over this, if it is any assurance to you and myself probably, intrusive thoughts are called intrusive because they are unwelcome and unpleasant and usually something a thinker wouldn’t ever imagine doing. For example, there are cases of women who just gave birth having really disturbing thoughts of them doing something to their newborn babies, like hurting them in some way. Ofcourse they are not going to hurt their babies, usually these thoughts pop because they are really really scared of something happening to their child.

    I personally think behind these thoughts is deep fear. And instead of treating its effects, maybe it is best to face the fear. I’ll try CBT, and see if its helpful. but i know my thoughts are related to some fear that i don’t understand and can’t face yet.

    Also, none of these thoughts ever mean you are going to act on them. The whole reason why you are writing here is because you are scared of them and deeply disturbed by them. If a thinker is not disturbed by violent or sexual unwelcome thoughts, he would act on them, find them pleasant, even. You are disturbed and scared, and this says something about the nature of these thoughts. Just meditate over your reactions to them. How these thoughts make you feel and why they make you feel this way. Maybe the answer is there.

    #373951
    Nar
    Participant

    Hi Tristan,

    Happy to be of any help. I am just starting my therapy, can’t comment on anything yet, just had 1 session only.

    My intrusive thoughts are not sexual in nature, but not any less disturbing. i can assure you it really bothers me too and I feel ashamed to talk about them to anyone. I havent told anyone apart from my therapist. They scare me. And just like in your case, they come in waves. There are periods when its gone for a while and its very quiet, but then out of nowhere it is there again. It is mainly in the form of strong images in my case.

    From my own meditations over this, if it is any assurance to you and myself probably, intrusive thoughts are called intrusive because they are unwelcome and unpleasant and usually something a thinker wouldn’t ever imagine doing. For example, there are cases of women who just gave birth having really disturbing thoughts of them doing something to their newborn babies, like hurting them in some way. Ofcourse they are not going to hurt their babies, usually these thoughts pop because they are really really scared of something happening to their child.

    I personally think behind these thoughts is deep fear. And instead of treating its effects, maybe it is best to face the fear. I’ll try CBT, and see if its helpful. but i know my thoughts are related to some fear that i don’t understand and can’t face yet.

    Also, none of these thoughts ever mean you are going to act on them. The whole reason why you are writing here is because you are scared of them and deeply disturbed by them. If a thinker is not disturbed by violent or sexual unwelcome thoughts, he would act on them, find them pleasant, even. You are disturbed and scared, and this says something about the nature of these thoughts. Just meditate over your reactions to them. How these thoughts make you feel and why they make you feel this way. Maybe the answer is there.

    #373969
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tristan:

    I agree with Nar, that that is “behind these thoughts is deep fear.. it is best to face the fear”. I suffered from OCD sometime in my first decade of life,  maybe I was six. My OCD symptoms were severe when I was a teenager, and significant for more than a decade later.  I’ve done a lot of work facing my fear, the fear that is fueling OCD and other mental disorders, and I believe that I no longer suffer from OCD.  If you have any questions for me and would like me to share further, you are welcome to ask.

    anita

    #373980
    Tristan
    Participant

    Nar

    Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I will keep in mind everything you have told me. I really appreciate your help.

    Tristan

    #373983
    Tristan
    Participant

    Anita

    Thank you for offering to share your experience with OCD. If you don’t mind I want to know if what I’m experiencing is what you experienced when you were going through this. What tricks did you use to overcome OCD? Do you still sometimes get those thoughts? If you don’t feel comfortable with sharing I completely understand. Thank you again for all your help.

    Tristan

    #373987
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tristan:

    You are welcome. I can share with you about my experience with OCD over time, some today and then more later, as long as you are interested in reading about it. You can ask me questions about what I share, if you need clarification or to know more, and I will explain further.

    “What tricks did you use to overcome OCD?”- I remember the moment when I was about 30, there was a particular thought I had, and the fear was that if I think it, it (that particular scary thing) will happen in reality. So, at that memorable moment, I said to myself: think it and see what happens. I thought it and nothing happened. Next, I intentionally thought it.. and again, nothing happened. So, I understood, really understood, deeply understood- that what happens between my two ears has no power over what happens outside the distance in between my two ears.

    In other words, thoughts are powerless outside my brain and body.

    “Do you still sometimes get those thoughts?”- yes, and I notice (I am still surprised that it is so), that I don’t experience the fear that used to go with these thoughts. Sometimes I doubt myself, I think: what if I am going to feel that fear, but then I say to myself: but I have done all this healing work for so long, and this work really does work!

    anita

    #374002
    Tristan
    Participant

    Anita

    Thank you so much for the advice you have given me. I will keep this in mind as I try to battle this. If I have any other question I will put them here. Thank you so much for all you help.

    Tristan

    #374009
    anita
    Participant

    You are very welcome, Tristan. If you post again, whenever you do, I will be glad to read and reply.

    anita

    #374265
    Lily
    Participant

    Hi Tristan,

    I hope your well. I just wanted to share some of my experiences with you in regards to sexuality and I hope it can help you in some way.

    I am a 33 year old woman with 2 kids and a loving partner and I have questioned wether or not I am ‘a lesbian/bi-sexual’ many times.

     

    This first started in my teens and I suppressed the thoughts. They reappeared in my late 20’s – I began to love women and if did myself looking at women thinking “she is beautiful”  or sometimes “sexy” I wondered if I would be better of with a woman and I found women so interesting and special.

    over the years this has continued. I am more likely to notice I good looking woman than a good looking man in a crowd. Often, I have dreams I am having a sexual experience with other women when my partner is sleeping right next to me-this happened just a few weeks ago.

    Am I gay? Or Bi? I still do not know. These are just labels anyway. On reflection, when I looked back at when I first started having theses thoughts about women, was a time when I first started to feel love for myself and appreciate myself as a female. When I suppressed these feelings I suppressed part of me… being able to look at women and say they are sexy or beautiful is not an indication of homosexuality. I love both men and women equally, in doing so I am able to love myself fully. I hope this makes sense, I don’t want to go on too much.

    The sexual dreams I have had are about women I have met and I like them in one way or another so for some reason my mind translates that into sex, I don’t know why, I’m still exploring this. I think whenever we meet someone we like we feel a little bit of love for them regardless of gender.

    Any way I don’t want to confuse you. My advice is: stop trying to push the thoughts away. Instead embrace them, say hi and see what they are all about.

    We all have obsessive thoughts at times, it’s normal. Meditation helps with this, a lot.

    Sending you lots of love and light.

    #374266
    Lily
    Participant

    I began to love women and I’d find myself looking at women…*

    I am more likely to notice a good looking woman…*

    Sorry about the errors before, I am using a phone to type.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 30 total)

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