It’s almost comical that I’m a qualified student of human behaviour yet I went and lead myself down the path of no return with this girl, despite me knowing better. My attraction and increasingly strengthening feelings for her came to the point where I made the mistakes I should not have made. My heart overruled my head.

Generally when people say they just don’t want to be serious with anyone right now, what they really mean is not with you. Harsh, but 99% of the time it’s true. I’ve even been the one saying this many times to various girls I was seeing, whilst the truth was that I’m always open if the right girl came along, but no-one is ever that honest in those circumstances now, are they.

I believe she’s almost certainly getting attention elsewhere. She’s a very attractive blonde so there’s no doubt about that. The last time we text was last Thursday when I asked if she was free on Friday night. She said she actually might be free that evening for a few hours. I told her cool let me know and I’ll come and collect you. She never got back to me. She was also free all weekend as her kids go to the father once a month. Meaning she was doing whatever with whoever, and it wasn’t me. It’s almost like she’s making it clear without saying anything.

Although we aren’t friends on Facebook, her relationship status has went from “single” to “no relationship info to show”.

I realised the other day that I haven’t actually seen her in 2 months. So I’ve obviously decided that as much as it hurts and I hate having to let go and move on from a girl when I feel so strongly about them, it needs to  be done. I will not contact her again. If she contacts me on Snapchat (our usual method) I won’t reciprocate, whereas I’d normally compliment her or whatever.

I decided at the turn of the month it’s gotta be total radio silence… Not to try and get a response or anything, just that there’s no point chasing anymore. It may make her come back some day, it may not, but I’m just gunna proceed with life regardless.

Just trying not to get spiritually angry with her at the minute. I sort of feel like “You little b*tch!”.. although that could maybe help me get over her