Dear Nichole:

I may add more tomorrow, but for now: you made your decision regarding work, and I like your attitude of “trying to look at work only as a mean to make my livelihood versus a place for emotions”.

Regarding your ongoing emotional experience of “intense fear and anxiety followed by numb/ disassociation. And once in (a while) a great relief”, an experience that makes you “feel crazy”- I know this emotional experience personally and I felt crazy too. There is a way to even up the extremes of intense anxiety and feeling nothing (numbness/ dissociation). and occasional euphoria. Therapist call the way to bridge these two extremes “emotional regulation”. There is a lot of literature on it and it is taught within psychotherapy.

anita