Dear anita,

I wanted to write today and ask for your input. My anxious feelings come up again and again. I have obsessive thoughts about the past and about what I did say or did not say, all that I did wrong and I cannot win against my own thoughts. I worry a lot about having hurt people. Mainly by my own social awkwardness, the assumptions I made about others and then ghosting people, when I did not know how to handle the situation.

There is this overwhelming shame. I feel ashamed for even small things. For example, a few weeks ago a craftsman came by to fix the refrigerator. He was late and it was around noon and I did not know when he would arrive, so I started cooking. Then when he came and started working, I still cooked and felt awkward, I even hid the cookbook. What is there to be ashamed about? Why do I feel the constant need to hide myself?

I wish that I had not hidden myself in the dormitory. Maybe I could have even found a friend. I exclude myself, punish myself. There is this fear of making mistakes, of not being accepted. It would be better to face the fears, because if I don’t, they will grow bigger and bigger.

My question is, how do I overcome this overwhelming shame? How do I let go of the past? The shame feeling is not helpful at all. It makes everything worse. I only become more afraid and obsessive.