Dear Anita and Teak,

“I think that you feel that you are wrong in this case, feeling guilty- not because you did anything wrong, not because you really are guilty in context of this man- but because when you were a child, you felt unloved, so you figured that you must have done something wrong. And when your cousin or cousins locked you in the home, you probably felt that you must have done something wrong to be locked in. Do you remember?”

I have a big family with 9 siblings and i m yhe youngest one in my family.. I felt like an unwanted child or were treated in that way from my siblings,i m sure they loved me alot but in my society ( generally) its easy to criticise than  show love /appreciation.So they were mostly not aware to show me that.. I used to be very unhappy, hurt, scared from cousins ( as we were poor, my cousins were very rude to me / my siblings as compared to other cousins). it was more like “Taboo”to talk or do what you really wanted to do in that society .Saying” No” to a

an elder person or correct them just because they are wrong about something shows disrespect so in order to be appreciated you have to do all other are expecting from you to do.. In my case i was seeking attention, appreciation,(may be) because  never got some. .

I got very hurted when I saw being differentiated just because my father wasn’t earning much or we were very financially broke.. For example :  My mom cousin offering a cup of tea to my other cousin but not to me. Or even if i asked the reply would be there is no tea..

Being insulted for no reason, scolded from others, or my cousin saying me : “don’t show me your face whenever i see your face i start getting angry, he hates my face”..

About my Parents:

mom,she is the most sweetest mom in the world she loved/loves me the most and treated me like a princess to her when i was near her. She made me eat with her hands i would sleep next to her in her arms even when i was 12 years old… But i was always beside her.. Or lay in her lap during day..

Unfortunately i dont have much such memories of my dad or my conversation with my dad.. When i was 17 my dad passed away he was suffering from Alzheimer. When i was nearly 9-10 years old he first showed some symptoms of dementia.. He was very quite, peaceful and most respected men, wanted his daughters to study, responsible .he used to work whole day nd come in the evening, we dint chat much i used to play. . I have 9 siblings in which we are 8 sisters and 1 brother. (in my society) sons are very appreciated and given respect compared to daughters (girls) but my dad never differentiated in such way he invested same money for my sisters nd my brother..but yes he was very strict to my brother as my brother wasn’t interested in studies, sometimes he would beat him but he never raised his hand for us(daughters). He would always ask my sister approval/opinion before getting her married or accepting the proposal (when a good proposal used to come) we were not burden in his eyes..

But the Society was concern for us for no reason.. That was funny.. My mom cousin she just wanted us to get marry whenever a proposal came but my family is very picky…