Hello.

I do not know if this forum is still active but if it is, I really need some form of help or relief.

Like the starter of this post, I suddenly started to question my sexuality out of nowhere in an 8 month relationship with the most amazing guy ever. We had a rocky start at first but everything came to be after he started to contact me again. We were doing amazing and we still are. In the beginning I started to question myself because since I was about 12, I always watched lesbian porn a lot, and occasionally some straight porn as well but it’s always been lesbian. Even though I did that, I never wanted to be with a woman. For me, woman are for friendship, each other and just being there as a friend. I never viewed them as wanting to get into a relationship with them.

It was a Thursday and I made a very important comment to my boyfriend that I never told anyone in my life, I was watching old musics videos and Katy Perry popped out which a memory came back to me that I questioned mu sexuality before, but it was due to the videos at such a young age and why I got aroused so it made me confused but I knew I liked guys and the thought went away. After I told him that, I forgot about it but then Friday came and I didn’t sleep well at all so I stayed up after my boyfriend left to work and I began to look at instagram. Like Anja, I sometimes like to compare myself to these women and also say that “Wow my boyfriend properly will think she’s hot too.” And when I went and began to look at the pictures, I think it was some sort of relief for me to show myself I didn’t like woman, my breast tingled and so did down there. I would like to also say that I was on the birth control ring and my breast were already getting sensitive but my brain took it as “So you DO probably like girls.” In which then my head began to think that but I pushed it away completely. Then Saturday came and I was feeling weird, I made the connection that it was probably the Ring spiking up my Anxiety. (I always want to say that I have been diagnosed with Anxiety and Minor Depression). When I went into work, that’s when my brain started to torment me saying that “I probably didn’t love my bf anymore” or that “Maybe I do like girls now.” It made me feel so sad and when I came home I think I was having an Anxiety attack and I couldn’t breath. After that day on, my mind will just cycle with the same thing over and over again, going online for relief of signs that I do not like girls, not eating etc. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, I support anyone that is LGBT, but it’s just not for me at all. I just want these thoughts to go away so I can be happy again and a normal person enjoying her relationship because I do not want to lose my boyfriend.

Any Advice please?