dear Anita ,

i was reading about “Guilt Tripping” and you are right , he was using this to make me feel bad so that i start the relation with him.. to be honest it is very disturbing experience ..

i dont know if i should write here about a flatmate 32, who is now a good and close  friend of mine ( we are working at same place ).he is very sincere, honest  ,helpful (helped me everytime even without asking fot it ,cares for me etc).who likes me and loves me and proposed me , which i rejected by saying that ” i like him (as a friend) but i have different caste and i love somebody else( my ex) ”  and he knew that because i used to talk to my now (ex) bf  ..

things got better for sometime after the rejection, but now turning very ugly and complicated  from last month ..he cant sleep ,as a friend i asked him several times so he told me because his family want him to get marry and he is unhappy about it ..and then he told me ,he cant sleep because he thinks about me all the time.( i was feeling very bad).but still he wants to care about me ,do things for me ( which i dont like and i m just frustrated now ) and make me realize again and again that he loves me etc.. he propose me alot of time ..even when his family was searching for a girl he was taking sleeping pills …i talked to him and said u dont need to marry if u are not ready..he told me ,the only solution of his problem is “Me”,and if i marry him or run away  ..i took this as a joke (lightly )

again he asked me , “run away with me “…”lets do court marriage and dont tell your family (no one will know  ) i rejected ” and was confused …even though he knew i like/love  someone ( he knows nothing about my breakup ,because i dint want to give him any false hope that i m single ) but still asking me such things … asked me alot of time about moving in togather ,even he knows i have bf and as a society  we are not allowed to live alone in an apartment..

i decided to leave  job because i wanted to have some distance so that he can see me less and move on with his life ..i got new one easily so i told him, he wasnt happy about that .. he applied for same job and got rejected and applied again and than got accepted ..but later he was calling me Selfish ,and the person who does what best for me ,and he stated that i dont think about him…

before 3 days i was just talking to him casually  about “Life in Abroad ” that i want to have good health ,study and financial situation during living here because these are very important ,if any one  is missing ,you will get disturb here(Germany) as a Student , and he again said , I can provide you all these things…

i felt angry …and frustrated ..because i have been rejecting but again and again the same topic .and whenever i try to stay away, he is always there ..

he made me feel very bad by saying he cares about me, but i dont, and i do everything ,what is good for me and that i only think about myself and he is only one who cares .

he gets angry and rude sometimes and

last week he acted  like he is my husband …i went to see a friend two days before and my ex started using emotional tripping …as i reached home i went to my room ( i was very sad ) ..thn this friend (flatmate) called me and was blaming me that why i dint knock his room to say” Hallo “(after arriving) and was telling me that he was making whole day for me a desert ,which i like but u dint even say me “Hi” and he dint eat anything apart from breakfast but i dint ask him ,if he has eaten anything ….i felt awkward .i told him” as i dint know who should i please  and whose expectation should i fullfill etc “…. and i stopped talking to him …As i cant take this “Good friend game ” anymore ..i feel like i m emotionally drained for being blamed ..as if i m the reason if my (ex) is sad and ruining his life and i m also the reason of this friends(flatmate ) sleepless nights..

i just wanna go far away from him ..i searched a new accomodation for me and  he wants to shift there too…its getting very messy seriously..i cant ignore him as long as i m living in same apartment and doing same job…

i know i have done few mistake by dealing with him..but Anita , is he also using Guilt tripping?? ,when he start making me realize that choosing a different job is a selfish act and he wouldnt have done that,or by saying he cares for me but i dont and he took hours to make a desert for me but i couldnt ask him if he has eaten something as a courtesy or by saying “Hi” ??? or he cant sleep nights  because he thinks about me all the time ….or he will marry anyone who his family will choose ,without saying anything,or he left everything on God ,but than again asking me if i should run away with him and much more…

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Peace.