Dear Felix,

good to hear from you! It’s good you’re trying to slow down and are already seeing the results, in being more calm and centered when interacting with people. You also sound more present in what you’ve just written. I feel your pain and aloneness. You don’t have it easy, and you didn’t have it easy with your family. A lot of your current problems stem from your childhood and youth – from feeling abandoned and unseen, unappreciated. You say about your family:

I give them all I can, all my love and support, I come to help at the drop of a pin, but in return I get nothing. No love, no support, no positive emotions, nothing.

You do your best to help and be there for your family, but they are ungrateful, and not only that, but they even treat you disrespectfully (your sister telling you to shut up). Instead of gratitude, you get denigration and offenses. You get attacked and rejected.

In one of my first posts, I’ve noticed a certain thinking of yours, in how you relate to the universe, and that it might indicate your relationship to your parents. I am copying it here, because I feel it’s relevant:

[the following is from my post to you on Feb 27, 2021]

In your posts you’ve mentioned several times that you’re hoping to get some positive feedback from the universe, but nothing is coming your way:

“I do send out love into the universe. I don’t do it as a favor so I can get back something from it, but I hear silence in return. In fact, it often happens that I get adversity and hardship in return.”

“It’s just been so stale lately that I don’t remember what it feels like when something cool or interesting comes my way because of a coincidence. I am trying to send out positive thoughts into the Universe and I really hope to get some feed back.”

“I am not giving up, but I haven’t had any good or positive news in a very long time. … I am just so tired of it all that I would do anything for something good, fun, exiting to happen.”

So it’s like you’re trying so hard, you’re giving your best, but no good news in return.  You only hear crickets, or even worse, you experience more adversity. It’s like you’re saying: “please, I am doing my best, I am trying so hard to be a good person. Why don’t you show me some love in return, why don’t you show me that you care at least a little??”

It seems to me it’s how a child would talk to a parent. “I am trying to be a good boy, I am doing everything to please you. Why can’t you show me some love already??”

[end of post]

This is exactly what you’re expressing now: that you’re trying your best to please your parents, but instead, you get no positive response. On the contrary, you get harsh treatment.

Can you relate to that, Felix?