Dear lpkR09,

I enjoy things on my own and suddenly It hits me, I want someone who could see this, appreciate the view, appreciate the taste, or smell… experiences and me.

I believe it’s due to your early experience of not having anyone mirror you and appreciate you – since you were given away. Do you have any memories with your grandmother from that early period? Or later with her? What kind of person was she? If she was reserved and didn’t spend too much time playing and interacting with you, it’s only natural that you’re missing that “mirroring” and “witnessing” – having another person acknowledge us and be happy that we exist.

I too was given away when I was around 1.5 years old and spent some 9 months at my granny’s. I also had a very strong fear of being abandoned and also of being lonely. I remember later, when I’d come to stay at my granny’s during summer holidays, and hearing the clock ticking in the evening, and otherwise silence around me, I’d feel very lonely. It was an epitome of loneliness, and even as an adult, I would remember that clock ticking and would feel so afraid of staying alone…