Dear IkO9:

You fear “letting people too close” and you fear being alone. The solution has been: having a long-distance relationship. With rare physical proximity to boyfriends, you got rare physical closeness, occasional emotional closeness via texts, phone and otherwise online,  and lots and lots of alone time.

Because his name is the commonest name in India, and because whenever you hear the name, you are reminded of him, here is what I suggest: print out a photo of a good looking Indian young man with this common name, a celebrity perhaps, and carry the photo with you. Whenever you hear the name- look at the photo.

anita