Dear Ishita,

we can start a new topic if you’d like, but I’d like to address the situation with X:

yes , i kind of dont want to admit that, also , its just gonna end up being a gossip , if we go around talking to common friends about it, I wouldnt want that,I dont want them to resolve it for us or even attempt to it as well.

I totally understand that you don’t want to admit this to your pals and become a subject of gossip. What I believe would help you is to admit it to yourself, and to stop blaming yourself for falling in love with someone who behaved lovingly towards you (at least in the beginning). It’s not your fault. It’s completely normal. You have the right to fall in love with anyone you want, and specially with someone you thought so highly of and who treated you well at first. So try to have compassion for yourself.

You said you want him to “understand you and let you go and allow you to heal”. But actually, his understanding is not what you need right now. What you really need is to understand yourself – have compassion for yourself – and let yourself off the hook. Forgive yourself for whatever you feel you did wrong in this relationship. Forgive yourself for falling in love, for hoping, for having expectations from him, for allowing sexting, for accusing him for not calling you, for being vulnerable with him.

Your blaming yourself now is almost certainly related to that experience before entering college, when you were under stress, you were blamed by your batch mates, and even by your teachers. Instead of trying to understand why you have problems and helping you, your teachers blamed you. Since we tend to trust authorities (teachers, trainers and coaches) almost as much as our parents – you started believing them and accepted that something’s wrong with you, that you’re not good enough. And the pressure of entering amongst fierce competition just added to your insecurity and anxiety.

I wish I could go back and tell the 17 year old self ,how it was ok to let go, because there are bigger things waiting, and I will get it anyways( because now, when I am in college , I see an entirely different picture , to what I used to imagine then, and its so much better)

Actually, you can  go back, in a meditation, and tell exactly that to your 17-yr old self. This is what she needs to hear – and it is you who can release her.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Tee.