Out of the blue the girl I was hurt by popped back up last night on Snapchat. She had removed me or deleted her own account or whatever, because somehow I just got a random notification saying “(Girl) has accepted your request” even though I hadn’t sent one.

It was of course, a bit of a surprise. Very soon after, she then put a cryptic quote on her story that said ” If you understand how frequently people cope by projecting, you would learn to take absolutely nothing personally” and this was 100% posted for my attention.

I then looked at “projecting” a bit, and I have to say it’s an interesting psychological theory / concept. One I’ll look into further, for personal interest. It could be much bigger than we realise, since it’s generally unconscious. Real deep stuff.

In terms of me not taking her withdrawal personally, I didn’t. At least not from the perspective of it being purposely done to hurt me. But even though I don’t take it personally in that sense, it was very personal to me because it hit me quite a dig, so is that still me taking it personally?

As for her “projecting”, it’s not like that explains much. It’s an extremely broad term, and could mean projecting one of, or many things. So I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to make of this piece of information other than there’s a somewhat vague explanation for her disappearance during a time in which I wanted her more than ever.

I don’t know what will come of this and I don’t know if I want anything to come of this. Perhaps she’s just come back to give me this indirect explanation and she’ll be off again. Perhaps she’s better now and wants to reconcile. But even though in the back of my mind I secretly hoped and imagined she’d be back at some stage, I’ve grieved for this relationship. I’ve felt and expelled the hurt already, and even if there was a reconciliation, a big question on my mind is, would I feel the same way I did in the lead up to Christmas when I was all besotted and emotional about her. It’s like, sadly that important moment has passed.

Anyways, I’m not sure what to do about this. Part of me wants to reach out but part of me wants her to reach out to me.