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Casual relationship turned serious

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  • #374527
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Danny:

    I think that it is not a good idea to send her flowers because it was about two weeks ago when you called her on a Thursday asking if you can see her on Friday. She then told you that she may be available to see you on that Thursday evening. You told her that you will be waiting for her to call you and let you know if she was available that Thursday evening, and… she never called: not that Thurs evening, not on Friday, not on Sat or Sun-

    Don’t reward her inconsideration of you (not calling you back) with flowers!

    anita

    #374626
    Dan
    Participant

    I didn’t do the flowers thing, you were right.

    I’ve basically just come on this time to express how I’m feeling. I am really feeling the burn right now. It’s heavy. I’m going to have to cry this out.

    At this point I can’t even remember the last time I wasn’t thinking about this girl 24/7. She’s just there in my head, all the bloody time.

     

    #374631
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Dan:

    I am sorry that you are suffering and you are welcome to express yourself here anytime.

    Talking about time, it is time for another quote by Cheryl Strayed: “Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room”.

    anita

    #374679
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Danny:

    I am thinking about you today, wondering how you are feeling, hope better! (sorry, I keep addressing you at times as Dan and at other times as Danny, when my intent is to address you as the latter at all times)

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by anita.
    #374728
    Michelle
    Participant

    Dear Dan, if you visit my profile, you will see that I post a lot about a relationship that I’ve been having, that seemed to be unrequited but has shifted over time. This has caused me a lot of heartache and anxiety and dear Anita has helped me through a lot of it.

    Here is what I have learned about going through ambivalent love:

    1. We have no idea what the future really holds. Just look at this year and this virus. Las Valentines I was broken up with a man, told he saw no future with me, and here we are a year later. What will be will truly be.

    2. Try to find an anchor to hold onto when you’re confused. Try to trust yourself  and the universe and the idea that things will turn out for the very best no matter what the outcome. Sometimes we forget that other people are on their own journey and it can take time to meet up with them again in the right place. I know that if I am going to be with the man I’ve been up and down with this past year and a half, I will need to give him a lot of time and space for himself.

    3. Know that if things don’t turn out the way you’d hoped, be grateful for all of the love and care you put out into the universe and know that it will be okay. There is something coming your way, and you can’t see it yet. The love is coming back around. It is not a waste.

    People pull us in all sorts of directions and we’re sometimes just riding the wave. Honestly I’m the kind of girl who has put it all out there in the past. To be honest, I’ve blown off men before and I know you’re afraid of getting in too deep and too hard for this one girl, but maybe her plans changed that weekend. She probably should’ve told you and been more open with you, and she may be on the fence about you. But I’m against silence unless the person tells you that they no longer want you in their life. Silence and space can be necessary at times for our own protection and to give the other person a chance to think, but you didn’t give her a declaration before going into “quiet mode”. So unless she specifically told you not to contact her, I would tell her how you have been feeling and put it out there and let her know someone has intent and has been thinking about her and has been buying her necklaces for Christmas. I feel like if you don’t you might wonder… It seems like you still have been. And if she then tells you to bugger off, then I agree with Anita, time to move on. One blow off wouldn’t be enough to stop me. Hell if it was I wouldn’t be where I am today, with someone I thought for sure didn’t want me a year ago.

    #374750
    Dan
    Participant

    Hi Michelle,

    Thanks for sharing. I will check your profile out later.

    I pretty much did give her my declaration that I wanted her more than I want anyone else, and she dismissed it telling me she didn’t want to be serious with anyone. It wasn’t just that one weekend, she’s gradually, slowly but surely drifted away and stopped communicating with me. She knows my feelings, and there’s no more chasing I can do.

    A part of me does of course hold out hope that it isn’t the last we see of each other, but this is not something I’m able to influence or make happen. I tried multiple times to meet up with her since our last weekend together at the end of November, and there’s no point begging.

    If she comes back, she comes back.

    In the meantime, I have been talking to another attractive woman (met online) for the past few days and we have a first date on Friday night. This has been a very welcome distraction because the girl I lost was on my mind 24/7 and I was going insane.

    #374751
    Dan
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you so much you caring soul! I was thinking about you too actually, and your kind words and the quotes you shared with me.

    She’s still on my mind but it’s been eased a little bit thanks to this new lady I’m talking to and have a first date with on Friday night. I know some might consider it too soon and all that, but I need this distraction, and I’m not going to deceive anyone.

    #374752
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Danny:

    You are welcome and thank you for your kind words! I hope your first date Friday night goes well. Good to read your last line, “I’m not going to deceive anyone”- do not deceive, and do not be deceived: relax in her company best you can (do not pretend to be anything you are not, do not try to appear cool and in-control or anything at all.. just be), aim at enjoying yourself and get to know her, little by little.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by anita.
    #374772
    Dan
    Participant

    Thank you Anita.

    I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes.

    #374773
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Danny. I am looking forward to your update!

    anita

    #375025
    Dan
    Participant

    The girl I met the other night was as loose as I am, and we did had sex right through to about 7am after getting p*ssed together.

    Something interesting to note about the evening however, was that I found myself comparing her to the other girl I messed up with. This was new to me, I don’t recall ever thinking about someone else whilst I was with a girl, but in a way it kind of makes sense since she had been on my mind so much recently.

    Whilst this girl was nice and talkative and bubbly, on a few occasions I couldn’t help imagining how much I wanted it to be the other girl sitting there, and how different they are. For me, the other girl oozes more sex appeal than most if not all other girls I’ve been with, in her persona, mannerisms and even her accent. I shouldn’t have took that sh*t for granted.

    Even the sex, whilst it was fine, was nowhere near as good as with the other girl. The girl from the other night was even slightly prudish in some respects, although some of that’s most likely because she’s not long out of an 8 year relationship in which sex had probably become rather mundane. It was fine, but not the best I’ve ever had (that credit goes to the other girl).

    I’ve got a feeling this could potentially be the case as I go through multiple more girls (I know that doesn’t sound very honourable but I don’t lie to or deceive anyone).

    Despite all that, it was still the essential distraction I very much needed.

    #375028
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Danny:

    “I don’t lie to or deceive anyone.. it as still the essential distraction I very much needed”- so.. you told her or you will tell her that the night of sex with her was a needed essential distraction for you, a needed distraction from your focus on another woman whom you would prefer over her?

    anita

Viewing 12 posts - 31 through 42 (of 42 total)

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