Not having someone close to talk things over with our inner conversation often turns dark. Projection is often a attempt to escape these dark thoughts however that usually takes us out of ourselves .

I found checking my thinking and writing for cognitive discordance (becoming more mindful of how my thoughts  manifested) helpful. My tendency is to overgeneralize, all or nothing thinking, catastrophizing and thinking I Knew what others were thinking. I also keep an eye out for victims and villain stories. The intention is to notice and not judge myself.

The interview or company may or may not be looking for geniuses, however you can’t know that, or likely define what geniuses means to those representing the company in the interview.   I suspect a ‘fit’ would include personality and ability with personality often more important assuming the candidate has a good working foundation and ability to learn.

The best interview I ever had was one in which when I arrived and looked around thought no way would they hire me. However, instead of choking I had the thought that I had nothing to lose. I was relaxed, enthusiastic and engaged in active listening which create more of a conversation vibe. I surprised myself and got the job.

This corresponds with suicidal thoughts. One if you really wished you were dead you would have nothing to lose so might as well be yourself and let go of the anxiety which isn’t helpful ( some anxiety can be helpful). In dream/symbolic language the ‘desire to die’ is a desire for change and recognizing that all change requires a  dying.  The letting go of the old to create space for the new. (the old often becoming fertilizer for the new). To the ego change is often experienced as if one was actually going to physically die and so the ego resists change even as the subconscious push toward authentic self.  We find ourselves wishing to die and at the same time afraid to die. Subconscious communicates though a langue of  symbol and will use dreams of death or even suicidal thoughts to communicate that a moment of birth is possible if we let go of our fear and ego… scary stuff.

In the above context the thoughts of wanting to die don’t have to be taken as suicidal thoughts but the reaffirmation that you are really seeking growth.