This girl I’d been torn over a couple of months ago popped back up last night (this was three weeks ago) on Snapchat. She had removed me or deleted her own account or whatever, because somehow I just got a random notification saying “(Girl) has accepted your request” even though I hadn’t sent one.

It was of course, a bit of a surprise. Very soon after, she then put a cryptic quote on her story that said ” If you understand how frequently people cope by projecting, you would learn to take absolutely nothing personally” and this was 100% posted for my attention.

I then looked at “projecting” a bit, and I have to say it’s an interesting psychological theory / concept. One I’ll look into further, for personal interest. It could be much bigger than we realise, since it’s generally unconscious. Deep shit.

So after last weekend, me and my coquette lady who broke my heart planned to spend next Friday together, (tonight). I was excited about it all week and we texted a few times during the week. She affirmed yesterday she was still free Friday and I said cool tell me what time you’d like me to come and collect you. Then this afternoon she told me she was meeting her cousin for dinner and she could meet me afterwards (she meets this cousin almost every time she’s free).

The thing is, she never met me tonight, and it annoyed me more than I care to admit. This isn’t the first time she’d met this cousin and was supposed to meet up with me but didn’t. I’m thinking, why would you say “I’m free Friday” when it seems I wasn’t set to be your first priority that evening?

The main reason I’m expressing this is because, here I am, after spending one night together a week ago after a 5 month hiatus, allowing myself to become emotional about this girl. I haven’t figured out why this feeling arose, but it could be one of, or a multitude of, quite a few things…

First off, I’m definitely annoyed that it was supposed to be a date and then all of a sudden someone else takes priority.

I could be jealous that she chose to spend all night with her cousin instead of eventually coming to meet me.

I might be irritated that I have experienced this before with her and it’s happened again.

It could be that I’ve felt and expelled heartbreak over this girl already and here I am feeling annoyed with her again.

Perhaps all of the above.

Maybe I’m overthinking, but I can’t help but wonder if this is all part of some long-game where she’s sneaked back into my life then start playing the push pull game again? I guess I would find that out in the near future through how things go.

Ultimately, I’m happy to see her again, but I don’t want that to be at the cost of more hurt (actually, it seems I don’t care about the hurt). I’m strong as fuck, but with this girl, let’s say if she turned around and told me she fucked a guy last night, it would affect me intensely. So that must mean I love her or some shit right?

Life is interesting, that’s for sure.