When I said I used to copy her, I meant the way she talked, the way she dressed…. My maternal grandmother and grandfather lived in an even smaller town as compared to my parents (my hometown is a small town as well).

And although all my materialistic needs were fulfilled at my maternal grandmother’s home, I still spoke like a child from a small town(almost a village) and I don’t mean English, it was a far fetched dream to me then (even that I learned copying my sister), I mean my own language, my mother tongue as well. My mum used to be embarrassed by the way I spoke so I copied the more refined dialect of my sister.

As for the histrionics, I have always hated the way my sister behaved with my parents as she grew up and because of that, I never copied her whenever she was angry.

These outbursts that I mentioned and you highlighted, are the ones in the last year. And it might seem like I was trying to seek attention, but I just wanted to be left in peace. I am not an extrovert and unnecessary talking drains me. More so, if it is an argument. But when I am angry, which I rarely am, it is difficult to control my anger. And to be honest, at that moment I wanted to die. When you don’t have mental peace within your family, where else can one expect it? And they knew I was going through a tough time and yet…

Let me give you an example- If you have really bad cramps, and you yelp out in pain because it caught you off guard, will your parents tell you that you are acting and have no capacity to endure pain? Or if you try getting them gifts with your first salary, would they get upset and ask you to use it yourself just because you spent that money? I have tried to be sane in a place where there is minimum love and respect but yes my expectations killed me everywhere, within family, within friends and in relationships.

Yes, I could not meet the people I dated often but it was not a conscious choice. I saved money to travel to them as much as possible but the college I was at, needed an application from my parents to grant leave. What would I explain to them? I was going to meet my boyfriend? And it was the same for both the guys.

I have never tried any unnecessary antics with the guys I dated, if anything, tried solving issues as I hate when problems lie on my head.

Anyways, I will try seeking counseling whenever things are better in my country. Thanks for being patient until now and keeping track of whatever I wrote to you. Have a great weekend both of you.