Dear Felix,

thanks for your reply, it was good to read from you again.

it’s always like that, the topic is always about them but not me (even with my close friends)… but right now im starting to learn to be more assertive.

Due to he never talks about his emotions, i think it affected me that i have a very weak communications skills and im introverted…i have a very weak communications skills and im introverted…

Regarding your lack of assertiveness and good communication skills, I think it’s mostly because you’re shy and you fear embarrassment (i.e. you have low self-esteem), that’s why you are reluctant to talk to people. A part of it is due to your mother, who sees you as weak and “a reason to worry”, which is pretty bad for your self-confidence. And a part of it due to your father, who is strict and probably you fear his judgment. If he doesn’t have a sense of humor, if he’s a little like a soldier – very disciplined but never shows emotions and vulnerability – then no wonder you would fear him and afraid to be yourself around him.

Around your mother you feel more free to be yourself, to show your weaknesses, but around your father, you need to be on guard. You can’t be spontaneous, you have to pretend. All that contributes to your feeling that you’re judged when in company of others, and you can’t relax and be yourself even with your close friends. Is that the case?

But he can do business successfully without being communicative because he has a leadership trait and high sense of responsibility… making most people respected him.

He’s probably good at giving commands and telling people what to do. Again, like a soldier, or a commander. His employees respect him because he’s probably a just employer, he gives them fair pay and they don’t feel exploited. However, I don’t think they like him too much. I believe they rather fear him. It’s fear and respect combined.

Yes my mom has made me feel weak and unconfident, she even said that when i get married later on i’ll have a room in our new house (the new house is going to built soon). I dont really mind living with them, as i dont have to think about the foods and chores later on…. and also i think if i live alone with my wife later on… with only the two of us, isnt the house going to be so lonely? Do u think with my mother’s personality, could it cause a conflict with my future wife later on? (idk if i’m thinking too far regarding this, as i havent even find myself a girlfriend).

If you want to have a successful relationship, you’d need to first develop self-confidence and self-esteem. That means you’d need to learn to love yourself and have trust in yourself and your own abilities. Your mother has raised you to be weak and dependent on her, to believe that you’re incapable to take care of yourself. She treats you like a baby. You’d first need to separate from that kind of thinking, which you also adopted.  You cannot see yourself as weak and incapable if you want to have a healthy relationship.

One way to feel more confident about yourself is to take on some duties in your home – perhaps some chores, or work in the garden – something where you can feel useful and which can give you a sense of accomplishment. You’re not a lazy, incompetent kid –  you’re a capable and resourceful smart young man. Try to see yourself like that, and do accordingly.

Make  yourself useful in some small way, so you can feel that sense of success and accomplishment. Never mind if you’re not perfect immediately – allow yourself to make mistakes. But try it, keep doing it, and with time, you’ll get better at it. It will give you a tremendous boost to your self-confidence.

I think this is the first step and a precondition for thinking about marriage and starting a family. When you feel more self-confident and stronger, you’ll be in a different space mentally and will be able to make a decision whether to live in your parents’ house or somewhere else. But for now, do everything you can to boost your self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment. This will make you less dependent on your parents too and capable of making your own decisions.