Dear Javier,

you’re welcome, and I’m glad you liked Ave Maria and added it to your iPod. It seems listening to sermons and audiobooks was your way to soothe yourself in this past year, since having been hit with illness and unemployment. These new, unwanted life circumstances probably pushed you back to your childhood and activated the old survival trauma,  that you experienced as a child. Covid was a trigger but it could be that the symptoms persist because of that trauma, which is stored in your nervous system.

I’ve found a text about children who witnessed domestic violence. It says “when children witness violence, it heightens their arousal system while causing their soothing systems to be underdeveloped.” You as a baby witnessed violence that your father inflicted upon your mother, and later you were a victim of your father’s abuse yourself.

Your autonomic nervous system is in a constant state of arousal and hyper-vigilance. That’s because its sympathetic branch (the one responsible for action and fight-or-flight responses) works non-stop, in overdrive. While the parasympathetic branch (which is responsible for resting and digesting) is underused and underdeveloped.

In that same article, music is suggested as a soothing activity, so I think listening to soothing music and lullabies should help.  Sermons and audiobooks probably have a similar effect on you – it’s almost like an adult reading a good-night story to a child, with a calm, comforting voice. Do you feel this could be why you like it so much?

So it seems you’ve already being soothing yourself to the best of your ability, and now you just need to expand it and do it more consciously and intentionally. This is your inner child that you’re soothing and helping him develop the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system. I believe it would also help to visualize a safe, calm atmosphere, like being held in mother’s arms (if not your own mother’s arms, then in Divine Mother’s arms). Do you think you would be up for such a visualization?

And lastly, you’re right – comparing yourself with others is a recipe for disaster. We all have a unique life story and a unique task in this world. It’s completely fruitless to compare ourselves with others. Our goal is to focus on ourselves and our own growth and healing, and living more and more from our true self.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Tee.