I am sorry but I wouldnt exactly want to talk about how I used to be in the past, because its kind of tough, I dont want to remember that phase again especially when I am already everyday suffering because I  still not over this guy.

But I ll just like to mention a few things,

Its not the first time something like this has happened, where someone special to me didnt feel the same way aboutme and so the expectations not matching. Infact , I ended up losing my best friend because of certain reasons and she was my first best friend, but I didnt feel that pain for very long, I allowed to let go of it and knew that atleast we are friends and this is the way it should stay . She was my go to person for everything and till date I havent found anyone else in my life, with whom I could share everything the way I used to with her

But this here, something has happened I just cant seem to let go. I thought a lot about it yesterday as well, what exactly was he doing that I was having such a hard time letting go.

And I dont know how much sense does this make, but I ll be honest here that

I have always felt that I am someone who is an extremely anxious person and I feel I am a difficult person as well because I dont easily make close friends although I have a lot of just friends. Somehow, I feel that the place where I am at, people wouldnt exactly understand my background and what makes me the person I am. I get anxious to even the semester exams(which isnt actually something to be very bothered by) but I just have become someone in the past few years who always fears screwing something up (even though I know I wont and infact could do way better) but this anxiety drags me down with itself always, when some or the other opportunity stands at my doorstep. Often times I donot allow it to take over and sometimes i fail.

So, someone (who is infact someone I adore) pretending to have that empathy for me and making me feel (atleast initially) as if though I am not a difficult person to hang on to.

I couldnt help but fall for it, I thought he ll be my strength just like I wanted to be his.

Also, Its not that I have never been approached by some guy before, but I have never felt the same about them or felt that connection. I had never found a guy before with whom I could think of trusting with myself, thatsall.

And I thought he was someone who had that maturity and understanding that I would have wanted in my partner and that I could open up to him and trust him with myself.

I hade started feeling less anxious in the initial months when he used to be all pretentious and I used to feel as if though I had someone for me.

And this is the main reason why I am having a hard time letting go because I just realised that it was never about me, all the time I had been trying to open up to him, thinking that he is getting me, he was just trying toenjoy all the attention.

I didnt feel this miserable about myself ever before, but rn I am. I feel I am not special and also I have kind of messed up my timeline after all these things.

I know this shouldnt take this long to let go