Dear Felix,

happy birthday to you!

I am sorry to hear that you’re anxious about your activity on social media. Regarding the 3rd story, you say:

But on my birthday yesterday, most of my acquaintances dont text me at all after seeing my birthday posts on my instagram stories.

Did they congratulate you on instagram? Because if they did, probably they didn’t want to do it twice, sending you a text…

As for posting things to brag about yourself in the past – well,  that’s a consequence of being insecure and having low self-esteem. Because then we have a need to compensate for it, so we brag and seek attention. Try to forgive yourself for that. Don’t judge yourself, you didn’t know better. But now you do know better: you know the solution is to have more self-esteem and confidence. One of the ways to develop self-confidence I mentioned in my previous post:

“One way to feel more confident about yourself is to take on some duties in your home – perhaps some chores, or work in the garden – something where you can feel useful and which can give you a sense of accomplishment. You’re not a lazy, incompetent kid – you’re a capable and resourceful smart young man. Try to see yourself like that, and do accordingly.”

Have you started doing something like that, to get a sense of accomplishment? The more accomplished and capable you feel, the less you’ll have the need to brag about yourself.

As for the 2nd story – you re-posting a photo with a female friend, which another girl (that you have a crush on) might have seen. First, it’s your birthday, and it’s a common thing that people congratulate each other by posting their common pictures. There’s no harm in you re-posting it either, since it’s your birthday, and I guess it’s a friendly photo, from which it’s clear that you two aren’t a couple.

And secondly, the other girl, whom you have a crush on, told you not to wait for her, or hope for a relationship. She left for her studies and started a new life.

I said that we can text each other everyday like this, but she said she cant… she feels burden and she doesnt want anyone to wait for her.

She told you it would be a burden for her to keep texting with you every day. She has been texting with you since she was 14, which is super young.  She might have liked you as a teenager, but now that she’s a bit older, she doesn’t see you as a potential husband, and she doesn’t want to relate to you romantically. You’d need to accept that and free both her and yourself from expectations. When you accept that she’s not having romantic feelings for you, you won’t obsess about what photos you post on social media…

The 1st story – about tagging your friend whose grandfather passed away on your birthday. Well, he was among the people who sent you the cake, so in theory, you had a reason to tag him. If you hadn’t tagged him, you might have been worrying now that you were rude for not tagging someone who sent you a cake, as if you’re not appreciating his gift. By tagging him, you showed you appreciated his gift. Perhaps you could have added a remark along the lines of “my condolences to XY (your friend) for losing his grandfather”, or something to that effect. But those are details. It’s important that you expressed your condolences in a text, that’s what counts. I am sure he appreciates it.

Next time before you post something, try asking yourself “Am I posting this because I want to seek attention, or because I genuinely feel good about myself and want to express myself?” And also, “if I post this, will it offend someone I care about?”

But don’t exaggerate with being cautious either, because you have a tendency to condemn yourself no matter what you do. You’ll always find some reason to condemn yourself and regret that you have or haven’t posted, and beat yourself up about it. That’s all a consequence of your low self-esteem. Once you develop more self-esteem, you won’t be so judgmental about yourself, you’ll be able to forgive yourself more easily and move on.

And as a birthday wish, I wish you to be kind on yourself, don’t beat yourself up, forgive yourself if you make a mistake. And in the meanwhile, please take my advice on doing something that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Either at home, or at your father’s company, or you might be lifting some weights, or do any other sports – whatever it is to give you the sense that you’re making progress and accomplishing something.