but I don’t see you there, since one of the symptoms is “a rigid adherence to rules and regulations”, unless one is to think of your own “rules and regulations” which are condensed in one loud NO to “normies”‘ social rules regulations

yes, fair enough, it was just a theory

 there are Mindfulness exercises that affect these powerful brain/ body chemical processes, and which can help you.

i promise to tell you the truth, the turth is, i won’t do them, even if my life was depending on it, why? because i don’t want to, i might be able to do them for a while because you told me so, but unless i am really convinced they are good and actually can help, even then i might not do them, because in order to do something i must enjoy it first, i have a long history with this, if i don’t like it, i won’t do it for long, i understand if you wanna stop our conversation right here, but i actually told you in the beginning you can’t help me, i admit that i get defensive when i hear any advice, because unconsciously it tells me that the other person doesn’t know me, but my answer right here is the only truth, that doesn’t mean i don’t value your advice, and i can’t do it for the sololy purpose (your advice)

i really don’t believe i only have depression, since there is alot of things different in my personality, i will tell you one that i actually meet most of the Symptoms, Schizoid personality disorder, though when i did talked to people that have it, i didn’t see alot of similarity, even people with this can be normies,

i should also mention that right now, im feeling very anxious, i was talking to a girl (online), kinda a friend, and she mentioned a boy she liked, and as always i got very jealous, so jealous that it hurts so much, this is nothing new, its part of my inherited Low Self-Esteem, i have a really low self esteem, so low that if i see a female talks about a man passionately, any man, and in any place, i got pain in my stomach, im learning from my mistakes, the best solution was to not talk with females, since the pain is so great and the reward (of the conversation) is low, its not worth it, i saw it as an opportunity to learn, and to try to manage such horrible feeling