Dear Javier,

Sorry, I’ve noticed only now that you replied to me earlier…

I’m struggling to access my “Inner Child”. There is so much pain and fear(fear to get stuck in my past, fear of finding new incidents). At the moment, I’m confused and disoriented. It feels like one step ahead and two steps behind.  .. My mind is on overdrive, I have had several major breakdowns today, and have been crying continuously.

The more I write, the more depressed I get. I feel guilt, shame, and regret.

I thought this might happen. That’s why please stop writing those letters while you’re stuck in guilt, because you’ll only feel worse. Those letters make sense only if you would get to the point of developing a positive, compassionate inner voice (a voice who would have compassion for your inner child). Right now, you’re only hearing the inner critic, who is accusing you left and  right.

You can pray to Virgin Mary to be that voice for you – to be that compassionate, loving parent. I once had a meditation with her, and in my mind, she leaned over my crib and soothed me. At that time I still hadn’t developed self-compassion and self-love, so I needed to get it from the outside. And I got it, it was a very profound healing experience.

The song that I shared, Ave Maria, sung by Celine Dion, has beautiful lyrics, and perhaps can help you in calling upon the divine mother:

Ave Maria!
Maiden mild!
Oh, listen to a maiden’s prayer
For thou canst hear amid the wild
‘Tis thou, ’tis thou canst save amid, despair.
We slumber safely ’til the morrow
Though we’ve by man outcast reviled
Oh, maiden, see a maiden’s sorrow
Oh, Mother, hear a suppliant child!

Ave Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
Dominus tecum

The murky cavern’s air so heavy
Shall breathe of balm if thou hast smiled
Oh, maiden, hear a maiden pleadin’
Oh, Mother, hear a suppliant child

You can imagine yourself as a suppliant child stretching your arms towards the loving divine mother, pleading her to come to your rescue, to love you and care for you. It worked wonders for me. I hope it might for you too.

I am praying for your healing, Javier.