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Javier,
Wow! I am so amazed and proud of you for being so PROACTIVE. You have a great attitude about all this and are actually doing a lot of good for yourself. Give yourself some credit.
If you don’t want to buy The Secret, I found the full text on Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBXVrH_VvAY&t=4561s
I believe in you. I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. Your life is worth it. I am so excited to see the person you become from all this. You have already done a lot for yourself and will help others one day with this same struggle. You have the ability to turn it around now.
So…live. I want you to live. I want you to know it’s going to be okay. I want you to take breaks, laugh, live in the moment and love yourself. I want you to know that God has not abandoned you.
Neither will I. 🙂