Dear Javier,

I see it similarly to Sarah – that although it was a heavy experience and so much pain and sorrow has come out from your mother, it was also cathartic in a way. She finally opened her heart and shared how empty and alone she felt all these years. And also, that it started much before you were born – she said she felt empty, lonely and dead inside almost all of her life. That’s why she probably needed someone by her side, even if that someone was abusive to her and her children. Her fear of loneliness was stronger…

My heart goes out to your mother, she’s been through a lot. I hope this confession and unburdening will do her good, and that she can forgive herself. It seems like a good idea that she’ll be living with your brother’s family for a while, and be able to find some comfort and joy in her grandchildren.

We cried for hours and I’ve never felt so devastated, my heart cries for all the years and pains that my mother has gone through. I know I’m not responsible, but I feel the pain and can’t stop the hurt and sorrow I feel because of my mother.

I believe it’s like when a child sees their mother cry – they start crying too, because they feel helpless, they’re afraid, they don’t know what’s going to happen next. A small child cannot console their mother but cries and breaks down with her… And since you’re pretty much identified with your own inner child, you don’t have the capacity yet to provide consolation either to yourself or to your mother. I think that’s why you too were crying inconsolably…

It just reminded me about myself, and that her inner child is also broken. It reminded me that she has also been a child once, that has most probably been neglected and hurt. When I saw her, I didn’t see my mother, I saw a hurt child, that was lost and alone, that felt unloved and rejected by everyone and by the whole world.

You too had a very similar experience: a hurt child, that was lost and alone, that felt unloved and rejected by everyone and by the whole world. Maybe this can help you to stop blaming yourself, and to find compassion for yourself, for your own inner child?