Do you prefer that I address you as Dear Birdman, from now on?)

Lol, address me as you like, i didn’t leave religion to go to another religion and be a follower again, that’s why i said i perfer birdman, but really you can say anything you like, i don’t mind

 talked and talked to him and he didn’t say a word, not a single word!

I wish mine didn’t say a word, at least i wouldn’t felt so much bothered by her misunderstanding, by giving terrible advises

how does your room look like

Alright i guess, would sent a photo but i can’t, i might upload it in some site and sent the link? I don’t mind really, i don’t have a lot of things, so its kinda clean, my mother always clean the whole house including my room, but really i don’t have a lot of things, and i don’t really make it dirty

do you stay at home all day

I try to, since its very comfy

go shopping

Almost everyday, since we are a full family and no one buys food and things but me, sometimes my big brother does some things, but its mostly me

how does your day look like:

I think i told you my routine, but since you asked, i will answer anyway, i wake up usually with a good mood, i listen to music while i make my breakfast, before i do that, i eat an apple or some fruit, while watching a movie, sometimes i skip the movie and go to workout, just corrective exercise, for my lower back and upper back, since i set a lot, i only do this when its neccessary, sometimes i even workout (weight lifting), i kinda have a home gym, but i haven’t workout since 2 weeks i think, the medication makes me sleepy most of the day (i thought it supposed to give energy not take it lol), but it really doesn’t bother me, if i workout, in the same day, i make the proper food, and kinda make a plan for what exercise/ what muscle i should target, i have a somehow good body, i can make more muscle but i don’t want to really, my goal of doing workout is to have fun actually, since i really like hitting a muscle and see the result, since im kinda perfectionist in this side, i like to have full energy, actually i haven’t worked out much, but there is more result then i ever had even when i went to the gym, its a hard thing to do so i need the mindset and the energy to actually perform right so i can see an actual result

Anyways i watch a movie, go smoke a cigarette in the roof, to also get some sun i guess, i usually do different things everyday, but yes i don’t go out, unless i have to, i used to go for walks, but that was to fight boredom, luckily with the medication this is no longer neccessary

when you get outside, what do you see

I see loneliness, how different i am from those people, i see people playing this game called life, sometimes i see girls, and remember what i lost, i see them and know that they don’t like me, and i don’t like them either, i see robots not aware of thier programming, just acting in this theater, not knowing there is strings, i see married couple and get jealous, remind myself that i choose this solitary life, thats its my fault i feel so lonely, that it will never change unless i do something, knowing that i won’t do anything, a never ending gulit, and the other option is filled with obstacles, a never ending problems, what beautiful choices, i sometimes remember that this solitary life deprived me from meeting people like you, and then pain, filled with guilt and wishes, i lost it, and will never have it, sometimes i deny how much i want this, connection/ intimacy, i want it so much that i don’t want it anymore, maybe somehow i have it while keeping my self respect, my personality, but no, im doomed to this lonely way of living, sometimes i say that the future is open, and that anything could happen, but nothing will happen if i don’t do anything, im not even here, i died a long time ago, and this flesh what remins of me, just a body, and i can’t have anything while being this way, a nothing gets nothing!

This is the most personal/ vulnerable thing I ever shared with anyone in these forums, and I am sharing it with you

I will hear this with my full attention and power, and it means something to me, the only person in the world to me likes it, one of the few none norime person