Thank you for replaying teak, i should say that i needed validation to know that im not those things, but i thought about it and validate myself

In one brief moment you showed an openness to learn more about healing

Not really, i just asked to be sure that its a lost case, because i knew long time ago that this is the cure and its unreachable for me

But very soon you abandoned the idea,

I will quote you here “its nearly impossible to heal without having the things you missed in your childhood” thus i abandoned the idea, cause its “nearly impossible” to get that in here, and for me

When I mentioned quality online resources for free, e.g. videos of world-known expert in healing of trauma and addiction (dr. Gabor Mate), you stopped responding.

Because i already know that this is just a waste of time, i already read books and watched videos, and did “healing” by myself, as you said, i need the things i missed in my childhood to heal, and those things requires another person

I also offered my help (which is of limited capacity, but still) here on the forum – if you were willing to share a bit more about your childhood. You never took the chance.

Your help is to “give explanation to why this is happened, and tell me what to do right now to make it better” while i appreciate your help, this doesn’t do much, i already know why i have all this, knowing won’t change a thing, and all the things you said, i was aware of them, i thought about my life for a long time before i make my decision, its bit silly “no offense” to someone to think about it for a few minutes and tells me about it, don’t you think?

All this told me that you’re not really interested in helping yourself get out of your present state

While its undertandable to think this way, but please don’t judge it from there only, i love myself, and im welling to do anything for it, just not the things you say or people say that “might” help, no i figure out my own life and the things that helps me, there isn’t any objective way to help people, there isn’t any objective way to live life, everybody should live according to his hands that he dealt

Basically, it means your protective part is very strong and you’re almost completely identified with it

No, I am the protective part, if you ever listened to the song i mentioned, you would understand

so the smidge of interest you’ve shown in therapy and healing was immediately squashed by it

I only asked you about therapy to validate myself, validate that its a lost case, and i was right

that you might consider her argument if she gives you a good one

If i remember correctly, i said that i might accept her argument, not consider it, i also mentioned this in last few replaies, and im gonna say this again, if you give a good argument, i might accept it, acknowledge the fact that you are right, “just like when you mentioned that therapy needs other people and that i need the things i missed in my childhood” i accepted this, acknowledge it as the right solution

Which is not really true because there is no argument that can convince you to change your mind

Just to be clear, im gonna repeat this point, yes there is no argument that will change me, but if you make a good argument i will accept it, i will have to, if it is true and logical

when it suits you, you use science as a proof that you’re right, and in the very next breath you say you don’t trust science. That’s how you can dismiss any argument you don’t like,

Didn’t i accepted that therapy requires other people? That us human beings need other people? And that the healing requires exactly that? Those all based on science, i only dismiss things that seem suspicious, for example you mentioned that there is plenty of evidence that there is freewill, but science never said there is one, there is plenty of evidence there is no freewill either, and what I’ve heard and saw, people only dismiss this argument because of the moral issues it brings, not because of science, no one wants to live in a world of chaos, i do trust science, not all of it, that would be stupid, and i sometimes make my own observations and ideas, because i respect my mind more then any “science”, science nowdays is very controlled by the masses

So perhaps at the very end you were a little manipulative with anita

Im not perfect, and if i ever did that it wasn’t consciously, and i didn’t manipulated her, i just manipulated the truth, its more like i fooled myself, if she said that i was dishonest with myself, i might accept that

you might consider it and even change

Thats a pure Strawman, i never said that i will change or consider it, but acknowledge that she is right and im wrong, there is a big difference

You didn’t give her the reason to hope that you would change, but she still did hope

I had a very strong opinion about my life and the things i want to do, and i never discussed them to change them, only to see what other opinions are there, “to see not to consider or change”

I am sorry you’re unreachable at the moment.

You don’t understand, i will always be like this, until death comes, im determined, thats why i wanna do it

and that you will have the chance to live from your true self

Its funny because there is no true self, there is no self, only the illusion, and science does say that, but most people does reject that because of the strong feeling of the illusion, but don’t take my word for it, wait for science unitl it confirms it (p.s he will never do that, because people won’t like it)

Though i think you mean the self i was given by my past and environment, i will never let it live for a few reasons, A. It like saddnes and being a victim, B. Very insecure, C. Very needy, and as you said those requires therapy to heal, well too bad, im not a fool, i won’t accept such self for a temporary reward, a possible reward, and i won’t accept it as long as im alive, because it conflicts with my goals, which im very determined to make it true, i will never change or let anyone or anything stops me from pursuing this goal, no feelings, no values, no people will ever change that goal