Dear antia.

 

I woke up today, i had a lot of dreams and you know that feeling when you dream so much and wake up feeling werid, i touched my noise and it felt like it the first time, i know what the dreams were about, but i don’t remember any, but i remember feeling love, having intimacy.

 

I read and re read your replay, im glad that you shared your morning with me, i don’t want you to think that i don’t read or care about what you say or you in general.

 

No need to argue with me about it

Sometimes i just add a comment, sometimes its silly comment just to let you know that i read that thing you wrote, but from now on, assume that if i didn’t replay to a specific line from your post, it just means that i had nothing to say, and when i try nothing comes to my mind

 

I’m gonna try to be as honest as I can”- good, me too

One question comes to my mind, and if its too personal ignore it, what exactly made you angry with me? So i can avoid such thing in our future conversation, i actually avoided asking you any personal question, or anything that seems personal, intentionally, i remember that when i first talked to you, you were very strict about those, and i respect that

 

but it doesn’t mean that it is really is wrong for you to be unemployed: you decide for yourself.

I think i mentioned my problem with jobs, especially in iraq

 

as long as your behavior that results from your thinking is not asocial

I try not to harm people with my individuality, unless they require me to do something i don’t want to do (e.x my mother wants me to finish my school)

 

if your questions are clearly stated, and a person answers you unsatisfactorily again and again, stop asking that particular person

This is one of the reasons of labeling people as norimes, because it would give a good explanation why those people disregard my question and lifestyle, and its a good explanation, and i agree with you.

 

 I didn’t mean that you, Murtaza, is wrong. I did and do suggest that arguing is useless.

As i stated, i believe that there is some people that can argue with me and maybe provide a better logic, thus i will either admit my lose or just lie to myself (i perfer the first because its easier) and from experience i did admit my lose many times.

 

Select who you are interacting with instead of interacting with everybody and arguing.. and arguing.

True, but i like showing norimes my argument and when they accept it/ignore it silently, it only proves my point, and its somehow a norime check, lol.

 

I didn’t notice this in your thread.

I didn’t spend any much real time and effort on the people that showed a lot of norime sign did i? Teak had a point, and i wanted to see where it goes, she sounded just like my therapist with a bit of an upgrade

 

if it looks like the person means well, send them a short post saying thank you, a polite acknowledgement- instead of ignoring them or replying rudely

If we are talking about me being rude, you know how much i get offended by thier posts and replies, how much i consider them rude? Why should i take thier rudeness? I can’t say thank you to someone who i don’t appreciate thier help, and i don’t see the point of being nice with holding what i really want to say, i won’t be that guy, who holds what he want to say because its nicer, it only hurt me because i won’t like myself very much then.

 

it is not a good idea to bring up suicide as an okay item to consider on a public forum

I never said it was a good idea, one part of my qualities is to say things people don’t wanna hear, to tell them the real things that happens for some of us, those people that don’t have much voice, people won’t hear them

 

Because this is what I believe- I will not participate further in such discussion on your thread/ in these forums.

I didn’t mentioned it for discussion, i already know your opinion, and it doesn’t actually matters anymore.

 

I feel some anger now because you are arguing again!

Im sorry, i was only showing you my pattern of thought, how i see freewill, and i gave a real life example

 

You don’t even need me to participate in the argument, you imagine what I would say and argue with what you imagined I said

I consider the other party responses and what he might say, i assumed that you gonna say that so i prove my point in one post, if i asked you and we go back and forth, it would take a while

 

seems that your anger was triggered by my mentioning of Free Will

I was very calm, i only mentioned it to support my argument against freewill, since you seem to think (which is my fault) that i only use it as an excuse, i won’t say that i don’t, i will provide a soild argument to why i think freewill doesn’t exist, but i will only do that after you say that you want to participate in this argument, and don’t view it as “argument” its more like both parties understanding the other points and give a better explanation, its growth

 

The term free will triggered your anger because when a person X uses the term, believing that it exists, what it means to you is that X is telling you that you are to blame, that it is your fault.. it’s the guilt you referred to before

It didn’t triggered me, i will tell you what triggers my anger (the ones i know and aware of)

 

when a person misunderstand me, and when i try so hard to make him understand but he won’t because of some moral issues or some belief he made, its more frustrations then anger, but i feel both when this happens

 

When a person claim something about my life without evidence (aka you don’t love yourself, my life is similar to yours)

 

When a person think he is allowed to tell me what to do or what to think or  feel, what to believe and what to value

 

I ask that before you reply to me (if you do, I never expect it, but would like it if you reply)- please calm down

In our current thread, you never triggered my anger, and i won’t response to any of the freewill subject until i hear your permission.

 

seems to me that what triggers your anger when someone says “I was like you”/ when another person compares themselves to you, is that it feels like the person comparing is negating you,

I never thought of it this way, but today when i thought about it, i may knew the answer, when a person compares his life to mine, he usually is got over this period, so what i imagine when he start advising is (im better then you, i got over this, i just did this and this, you can do that if you want), actually it mostly like this when a person compares and start advicing, the superiority thing bothers me, he think that he is superior then me and allowed to tell me what to do, and that i must not know whats best for me, correct me if im wrong, and this is a new thought so its more like a hypothesis that i might change, but from what I’ve heard its always like this “i was X too, you just need to do this and this (give examples that worked for him and thinking that it must work for everyone)” by that i feel guilty for not doing X, and i remember that i did X long time ago, and it didn’t work, and that i think and feel different from them, and that there is no proof that he is like me, and even then he can’t advice me.

 

It is like it is either you are valid or the other person is valid

I think when a person start to throw silly advices on me, its just projecting, the part that bothers me that he/she think he must be right and this is allowed to say, in my world its very rude to tell a person what to do, especially if you only know what he showed to you via internet

 

How do you know when it’s there for you, can you tell.. if it goes away, was it ever there.. when it returns, will it stay?

It depends on the definition of love, if its a feeling, then i don’t pursue that, i meant that i somehow get a girlfriend, this is what im trying to kill, and i had to experience so many painful things to prove to myself that no such thing exist.

 

One of the reasons that i don’t pursue the feeling of love, because its not under my control, i only foucs on the things i can control, feelings aren’t, but i welcome them when they come

 

Let’s see what happens, think of this as an experiment: I felt love for you, then I didn’t, then I did again,

I actually don’t think its mysterious at all (my opinion, i respect yours) i think that when i feel love because of an image and a belief, and when i don’t because this image or the belief start to change, (e.x i saw that sara is lovely and felt love for her but as soon as the “she doesn’t love me back” belief start to kick in, i lost the feeling, as it should be) i never love anyone who doesn’t love me back, and yes i control such thing, lol, i don’t know but its one of my powers you can say