Hi Anita.

Sorry ive been really busy and also trying to respond in a fair way.

I have had a holiday…but it has not really been time out from my daily life because my jobs (plural) demand attention that can´t be left behind. So we will call it a “rest”! therefore ive been fairly busy every day.

When i was a bit younger i dont think i imagined this life AT ALL for myself. I really thought i would be with someone and perhaps have a family, that i would have a career instead of what i see as “jobs”.

I wonder sometimes if it is a plague because i see other people struggling too.

God knows how people meet these days but i feel i am so far off the radar its not relevant..basically i understand that, im too old at 44. I know this because some years back i felt some attention on me and now i dont at all. Guys avoid me if anything so i feel ive got some disease!. Im not unattractive but there is just the simple fact that guys want younger women. Maybe they expect you to do all the work and make all the moves.

Ive had zero contact with my work team apart from my friend, nothing at all but i feel great anxiety about time ticking by….anxiety about returning to work that i really bothering me. I feel like ive not actually had a break because ive worked throughout on my other job..and that has hung on my mind…it hasnt really been a break at all.