I tried so hard to not care, for so long, I stayed angry, resisting the feeling of empathy for other people… I really tried hard, and I succeeded.. only I was so very unhappy, alone and lonely. However lonely you are, Murtaza- I can’t imagine a greater feeling of loneliness than I have felt year after year, for so long, so long that it felt like eternity.

To be honest i don’t even feel lonley anymore, i don’t feel anything, i just exist, which is better then feeling lonely and can’t change it, if the cure requires to drop all life passion, then its worth it, because i suffered from that passion

Fast forward to now, it seems like getting back to feeling empathy for other people makes me feel a  togetherness, not alone/ lonely anymore. Empathy is like magic, in this context. It makes a big difference.

I don’t understand exactly what you mean, could  you elaborate? How did you felt empathy? I feel sympathy (if i remember correctly its seeing your pain in others), but empathy i only feel when i like the person, i don’t let anyone get my empathy, its a feeling i appreciate and won’t spend it on people that aren’t worth it

I want to shift from telling you how your life is for you, to telling you how my  life is for me

Very thoughtful, and very wise, since i believe that because you was able to understand me, that you somehow share a similar experience, sharing that experience might not influence me, but just the conversation makes me know things about myself, one example is that “i knew that external validation never works for me, it always has to come from me”, this may sound like a small thing, but it isn’t, i always asked for people validation online in the past, never happening again

you can argue with me about what I tell you about how life is for you. You can’t argue with me about what I tell you about how my life is for me.

True, this approach not only works for me but i think its good since i won’t be the only one who talks about my life :D, i will feel the conversation is both parties, and im not using the other person to get attention or waste time (which its not my intention anymore with this conversation, the only reason i got in my mind is both because i enjoy it, and because it makes me think, sometimes i would read it before i go to the roof, to have some ideas to think about)

I felt perfectly good, and I mean perfectly good- not a single bad thought, not a single bad feeling

I believe that everything has a price, and this feeling good may has unknown price (such as addiction or some hidden long term effects)

So, I took it again.. but then, at one time and the next, all that happened was that I threw up, no good feeling. What a disappointment. I took it again.. threw up, no good feeling. That was the end of it.

Its honstly sounds too good to be true, and that if you actually continued you would be in the hospital (i meant if it didn’t make you throw up and made you feel good), a question comes to my mind, how would you describe feeling good under that drug? Ofcourse you can just skip this if you don’t want to answer, and i won’t mind

never did I consider that it was possible to feel that good (in any circumstance) until that experience.

Its funny because i had the opposite experience wih prozac, worst days of my life, ever, i never thought life could be this painful, if there is hell, that was a glimpse of it.

I didn’t watch Birdman, am not in the habit of watching movies anymore.

I wonder if you have seen mary and max ? This conversation reminds me of it, im just gonna re watch it for the 2nd time, just so i can see how similar our conversation to that movie, its one of my favorite movies.

But I bet the acting by Michael Keaton was good

Actually he is one of my favorite actors, although i never watched his 90s films, the founder was of my favorite movies at sometime.

Im also not in the habit of watching movies anymore, im just tired of the same story over and over again, in movies, my reason number one, was to see people like me, in first reformed/ the wrestler / birdman, they motivated me to care enough about my life, to end it, they motivated me to do something good for myself (i don’t want to discuss this, im just saying, disregard it, i understand)