Dear antia, to correct myself, i don’t often feel sympathy for people (to understand the pain of others) but more empathy (to see my pain in others and feel it) from what i understand about the two words, that empathy doesn’t include only yourself but it can include other people pain, my point that i always looked for people like me, and i did that in movies since i couldn’t in real life, one thing about music and movies, is that when they say thier pain (and its similer to mine) i can feel it, with music its even better because they say it in a nice way, i feel like someone is saying those things for me, i feel like that i was put in silent, that the words have been taken away from me, and that this person is saying exactly what i feel, its somehow like he speaks for me.

with equal/ comparable intelligence, a person like me: not more than me, not less than me. Empathy is in equality

When i think about your life, i see a young girl, suffering from loneliness, alone, it must been so long after you be right here, when i try to visualize this, i put myself inside that girl mind, i can see why you wanted to help people online, from my pov, its because you don’t want for people to suffer like you did, you didn’t had internet back then (i suppose?) And you were all alone, so you didn’t want this to happen to all people

When you said that i think my suffering is unique, and that im the only one who is suffering, i thought about it today, and from what i can say, is that all my family had worse suffering, and that you would be surprised if i told you that im  the least depressed person in this family, my point was, is that every person is different, and that we can’t measure suffering objectively, since every person have a different endurance to it

The way I used to live, in social isolation and alienation, I was either inferior

In here, i am truly inferior in other people eyes, unless they aren’t so brainwashed, sadly i learned that females tend to be more vulnerable to that by society, it makes me bit mad, that people give thier mind so easily.

 I did it under the assumption that they are superior to me

What it comes to my mind is that, anyone who feel he can help you  that he can advice/ teach you (mostly)feel a bit superior, when i tell people about my life, they immediately see me inferior (because i don’t work, no social life etc) its knowing to them that being dominating socially makes you superior automatically, what they do is that, they start to assume that my life looks very much like a point of thier life (when they got kicked from a job, or when they got depressed) and start projecting thier experience on me, what bothers me isn’t them ultimately, but the fact that they have been told how to feel and think, and start telling me how to think and feel

Anyone could validate you, but whats the point of this validation if it comes from a stranger? What value does it have? I think the same goes for love and attention.

 I didn’t know until then that it was possible to feel like that for any length of time, for even a minute. It was a very new emotional experience for me.

I wonder if you ever felt like that again?

it felt like all the fear, all the shame and all the guilt were squeezed out of my brain and body and were gone. So, I was happy

So its more like having no bad feelings then actually having good feelings? I wonder how would you define happy, i somehow get the feeling that its “no suffering” and the evidence (devoid of any fear, shame or guilt.) Makes me feel bit sad for that young female.

It is good talking to you this Sunday morning!

What about other days:D