Dear antia, as i read your post, especially at the end “no one felt angry at her” “you the only one who did” “everyone criticize me for that anger”, i teared up, it was a long time since i felt this way.

everyone else would have made assumptions, assumptions that would have terribly annoyed me and cause me to regret I ever shared this stuff

I understand anita, everytime i tell people a little about my life, they immediately assume the rest of it, not only that but they are sure that this assumption is true, in my post to you, i never made an assumption that im sure its true unless you confirm it. (I admit i made some bald assumption in the past in our conversation, and for that im sorry)

I said that “you are kinda famous, liked in here” you wrote that it is not true, i believe i said this because the first time i saw what you do here, i liked you very much, because you dedicate time and effort for every member, your detailed replay showed how you much care about everyone, and that i thought everyone sees you that way, and that everyone (like me) waits for your next replay, i never saw your replay to people though, but i made an assumption without any proofs.

They need someone to walk into their home and help them out. Online advice is impotent

Yes, true.

this offer indicates that you are gentle

Sometimes i wish that i can practice this gentleness, though i can only do little through words

I don’t think that I was able to imagine there being another person with me- she wouldn’t have allowed it, not in real life and not in my imagination

What i understand from this is that she controlled your mind/imagination when you was around her, she was like the devil (in islam devil lives in everyone of us and he whispers us to do bad things) only she was worse, i can’t imagine you living like that everyday.

You replied to my “mothers are highly valued, doesn’t matter if they are bad” “hope that this attitude will not show up in the rest of your post. This societal attitude”

To answer: i was criticizing valuing mothers like that, because it gives them so much power, what i said “mothers are highly valued” was true (when i read the rest of your post), everyone who you told about your mother, either empathize with her, or give her excuses, no one was mad at her, no one hated her, she did this to you, because society allows this, if there was a law that stops her from being her, you wouldn’t have suffer that much, there is a reason why we have laws, to stop some people from being themselves.

A voice within me, a societal/ normie voice says: she is your mother, she was a good mother, you are making things up, you are lying, you.. you.. you are the problem, a bad girl, disloyal to her mother.

I understand, its now two voices against this, yours and mine.

she murdered my love for her, and then, my love for her resurrected as the “living dead” from that movie- is my best image of my love for her: a love-corpse moving around clumsily, making strange grunting sounds

So much anger in this sentence, im impressed how well you said this.

She was big and angry back then, she had big, strong hands, I was short and thin, she was loud, she said: I’ll kill you, I’ll break you into many small pieces

I would imagine that you wanted so much, so badly, to someone to release you from her, to interver and stops her, but no one did, because its “YoUr MoThEr”

I don’t think any person in my life, ever, expressed anger at my mother except for you, particularly in the context of her interactions with me.

I was always alone with my anger toward her.

you not only were absued but no one even acknowledge that little thing, that simple and small thing, and you wished for so long that someone would just be angry at her, just be angry, its makes me so sad.

No one took my side against her.

When i first heard “she slapped me” i immediately hated her, and was mad at her, and i would think this is the least she did, but im bit surprised (i don’t expect a lot from normies) that no one hated her, hated what she did, was angry at her, it feels like the normal response to any sane person, that this gental and nice person right here were treated like a slave, (excuse my example)

but NONE, EVER was angry at her for how she treated me

No one felt your pain, no one validate your feelings about her, and you thought that you must be wrong, the evidence is everyone tells you are wrong, the whole world tells you to respect your mother, even if she is bad, to forgive her, how could that voice, that little tiny voice inside you beat the whole world?

You wanted people to be angry at her for what she did to you, not other reasons, because then you would know that they know you are suffering, you just wanted that, them to know, what a simple thing to ask.

To add to it: people criticized me for being angry at her

Ofcourse they did, they have good mothers/ not aware of thier bad mothers because society brainwashed thier values and beliefs to not see the ugly truth.

I needed, looking back, someone to come in that small apartment were I lived, and get angry at her, ANGRY

This reminds me of something (although this post is mainly about you, though if don’t mention this i don’t think i will remember again in the future), i remember that when my father was alive, he used to bother us a lot, screams and stuff, one time he was screaming at my little sister, and i was furious, i told him “how dare you even talk to her like that? Are you even her father? What did you do to her to be her father?” He didn’t replay, from what i remember it was so satisfying.

Your reply is very satisfactory to me. Thank you, a lot

You are more then welcome, and thank you for trusting me.

Feel free to not respond to everything I wrote, to choose this or that and reply to those things,

I didn’t comment on everything (because i felt adding a comment to some of your replay would be not nice, and unneccessary) though you should know i understand most of it, and the part i didn’t i either assumed stuff (even when i don’t say “i suppose?” Anything about you and your personal life is an assumption by me, and that you are the only one who confirm it/say the truth) or just asked.