Dear anita, as i read your post, after i just wake up, i smile, even laugh at times.

Part of me feared yesterday that you will turn against me, that you will.. drop this gentle, supportive empathetic “mask”

I understand where this is coming from, though you should know, that since you showed me something i haven’t see in any online interaction, i always wanted to give back to you what you gave me, when i talk about your life, i won’t show any of the argumentative Murtaza, just gental and kind and understanding Murtaza.

trusting you enough to place you in the position to possibly hurt me, to possibly betray my trust in you

I feel afraid that i might, if i do without knowing, without meaning to, could you please tell me? To not end this conversation as soon as i do that? To just point it out so we can discuss it/ tell you my pov?

you-are-a-sweetheart was my first thought as I read this part.

Thank you anita, this makes me feel warm.

I can imagine how very fortunate (and I mean it, I am not just saying this to be nice) a young woman would have been to experience your gentleness irl, right there, were you are

Thank you, i too think the same about you, that how fortunate people will feel when they get to know you/ experience your gentleness, i still remember what you said to me back in the first time we talked, i was very  lucky to talk to such person, still i am.

I didn’t notice it was anger until you pointed it out.

I felt it was anger, when i imagined you writing it, i felt you you were bit angry and wrote this very fast, it was cute imagine you like that.

 I never, NEVER expected to be helped in this way

Im very glad, although im not doing anything really, im just being myself, i think we just have a somekind of rythm, the result of us, the person right here, is compatible, so this is why we help each other easily, it comes natural, although i feel in your part, you did more to understand and accept me, thank you for that.

it is as if an angel has descended on me with all his wisdom,

Its funny you wrote that same exact example i gave you in our past post, i too felt like you are an angel, still do

she was god, but a bad god

I think this is a very well description of her, evil god.

I just felt guilty saying “the crazy woman”. Do you want to give me your Voice on this

I like that you asked, that you shared this personal part of you.

I think that its fair to call her that, any sane person wouldn’t hit or do what she did to her child, i don’t doubt for one moment that she wasn’t crazy, though even if she wasn’t crazy, you shouldn’t feel guilty (its ok to feel guilty though, because you were programmed to feel this way) because what she did to you, i think that you are allowed to say anything about her

From what i see is (a person did a very bad thing to another person for a long period of time, made him live life on the edge for the rest of his life, now this person is very angry at what has been done to him, a normal reaction, now the person feel guilty by this normal reaction, that he even has it in the first place) in this case (i hope it is right?), don’t you think that the person should allow his normal reaction to be free of gulit or shame (?)

That his gulit coming from an unvalid value, not the truth

psychotherapist I ever had didn’t say what you said here. What do you know.. he too was too much of a normie.

I think that his values and beliefs that was handed to him was in the way, he didn’t feel sorry or angry for you because he was told that mothers are highly valued, i think (and this is my humble observation) that this value made him block the feeling, block the evil that has been done to you, there might be other reasons ofcourse (i only know few, so im only saying this from your little words about this subject), i don’t blame norimes for being this way, i understand, its only when you doubt everything, that you begin to see things more clearly, without any values and beliefs.

I must stop, I am afraid to misunderstand the situation you described. I don’t want to repay your understanding of me with a misunderstanding of you

I admit that i too feel afraid that i might not say the perfect things for you, that i might say something you don’t wanna hear, but i say it anyway, and i be as nice as possible, don’t worry anita, anything you say is acceptable, i don’t want you to be afraid to write, also just know, you don’t owe me anything, you don’t have to repay, because you already did helped me the same way im helping you, we are equal, what a very wonderful thing to feel/write

Was it courage?

I think yes, i remember a few moments of my life, where i did some things for the people i loved, some things that was so hard for me to do, i told you this, because i was implying, that i wish i did this for you too, to stop the injustice that happened to you

To know that my post, my humble replay, made you feel good, and that you think im very special and brilliant, makes me feel good, because its coming from a person i highly value his opinion, that he doesn’t just say things randomly.

The other day i watched mary and max for the 3rd time, it would mean a lot to me if you see it, i rewatched it because i wanted to see how similar it is to our conversations.

Would you mind telling me anything (safe) about your present? I feel like i know nothing about you, maybe your day? Just to imagine where this young female, ended up.

Hope you haveing a good day.