Dear Natie:

“The rational behind it is that we..  were best friends before being in a relationship and genuinely thought that we could keep this good thing alive between us“-  you proved yourselves wrong in this regard. A non-romantic/ non-sexual friendship between two people is gone forever when romance and sex becomes a new reality. After a breakup, a different kind of friendship is possible for some people, but it is not the same friendship as before. For a lot of people, no kind of friendship is possible after a breakup.

“how would you define a break up? 

– I would define a breakup as a time when you are at peace (no longer confused and conflicted) about being broken up.

“And how would you approach (a breakup) while you are still confused about whether you exaggerated the reasons that led to the break up or if they were valid?“- restated, you are not really asking a question. What you are saying is something like this: I am confused, I don’t know if I want to break up with him/ to remain broken up.

You are confused and conflicted, going back and forth in your mind: to get back together- to not get back together. This conflict goes on and on and on, and it is exhausting, isn’t it?

“I’m genuinely interested to hear your (dating) advice“- I’ll be glad to  give you dating advice, but you need to really break up and be single again first (no longer confused and conflicted, being on the fence- neither here nor there)!

anita