Dear AP,

She told me why she had kept away – that we had been in a drama triangle (she went through therapy) she said that is why it ended and why she had kept away

Right… you mentioned a little bit about this drama triangle: that at first she promised she’d move closer to you, but then her ex, the mother of her kids, forbid her (I guess she has the right to veto moving to a different state?), and she backtracked on you. You felt very hurt and couldn’t accept it, and so you suggested you should date other people – basically pushing her away and initiating breakup.

She’s obviously been in therapy for that, and probably has worked through her anger and pain, and has forgiven you, I guess. That’s why her answer wasn’t cold and curt, but warm and heartfelt. She talked about her kids, which is sort of a neutral topic.  Maybe she thought you were interested in knowing how her kids are. And also, she likes your children, so she suggested a video chat with all of you together.

In all this I don’t see that she’s shown interest in renewing the relationship with you. It rather seems to me that she doesn’t hold a grudge against you any more – she’s healed and moved on – and that’s why she agreed to help you in your legal matter. She didn’t want to be a b**** and refuse you, specially if she has the resources to help you, and she’s healed from her wounds, so she can deal with you without getting triggered.

Why send gifts to the kids, suggest a chat with , all of these things just to remind me that she has a partner and no longer loves me and wants anything to do with our lives ??

Because she likes your children and doesn’t mind staying in touch with them occasionally? Specially when they told her they love her and miss her, it’s only natural she told them she loves them and missed them too. And that she sent gifts. It’s a completely natural reaction – she is kind with your children and doesn’t want to hurt their feelings. But she also doesn’t initiate contact with them and only replies when they write to her.

This still fits the scenario where she doesn’t really want to renew the relationship with you, but nevertheless, is polite and helping you with your legal matter, and is kind to your children.