Dear Felix,

Yesterday before i went to sleep, i did a brainstorming session with myself for a few hours only because of this…. I keep convincing my mind that it’s okay, i should just focus on doing things that make me happy and i need to stop pressuring myself…

That’s good, always keep that in mind when you start thinking that you’ve messed up or taken a wrong path.

Every time i go through a new phase of life, i tend to feel worried of taking the wrong decisions.. e.g. from high school to uni, uni to work life…. I bet that when i enter the phase of marriage, this kind of feeling will show up again…

One reason why decision making feels so scary for you is because you’re afraid of making a mistake, and it could be your mother that instilled in you the fear of making mistakes, because she was always worrying about you, about your health, your ability to succeed in life etc. You grew up with her constant fear, almost an expectation, that you won’t make it, that you’ll fail.

You said: “it’s just that i dont wanna be labelled as a failure.” Your mother saw you as a potential failure since very early in life, she was worrying you wouldn’t make it. So whenever a new phase of your life commences, this fear intensifies, because what if this time you really won’t make it, what if you mother’s fears come true, what if you end up being a failure….

You’d need to tell yourself that you are strong and capable and not a failure. So this is where a positive image of yourself is important. And also, we are allowed to make a mistake and fail, because even failing isn’t the end of the world. You fall, you shake off the dust, and you get up again…

No wonder i’m an introvert, i think it’s partly because i’m afraid of making mistakes and messed up… especially when i meet new people, i think it’s better to talk less rather than making mistakes.

Yes, a part of you being an introvert is the fear of embarrassment, the fear of being judged and criticized. It’s your low self-esteem. We talked about it before – one reason for your low self-esteem is exactly this worrying attitude of your mother, who was always expecting you to fail. So again, tell yourself, I am strong and capable, and I love myself even if I make mistakes. Love yourself, appreciate yourself, tell yourself positive, encouraging words, and you’ll see you’ll feel better about being in other people’s company too.

(it’s a pic of me doing silly pose, and i stick my tongue out with a weird expression… and they zoomed the pic of my face, there’s nothing attractive in that pic)

Even the most beautiful people look ugly and a little bit freaky when they make weird facial expressions. No one looks good in such photos. It’s a fun photo, and not something you would show to your future mother-in-law 🙂 As I said, people can only think you’re cool and relaxed if you dare to post such a photo. The photo was probably taken when you were goofing around with your friends, having a good time… Well next time, if you don’t want such photos to become public, don’t allow to have your photo taken while you’re making silly faces…. but in the meanwhile, relax, no one will judge you for it.