Anita,

I have a really good male friend-he’s way younger-who has pretty much stuck with me when I had some serious issues last year that I’ve improved upon, especially with panic attacks and reactivity.  He cares about my well being, almost like a brother.  There is nothing there beside friendship.  He has always given advice regarding men’s behavior and has always been right. Although I haven’t taken his advice with the last 2 men I’ve dated in the past year. I’m taking his advice now.

I am worried that I will not be able to have a healthy relationship with a man anytime in the future.  While right now I am taking a break for an unknown period of time and going to a counselor, I’ve read up on the internet ways to not have anxiety while dating and I can tell you now none of those things work.  I have confirmed with my friend that I always pick men that are not good for me, ignore red flags, start to have anxiety and worry when they pull away-which is what happened with the last 2 relationships.  I then in my opinion- probably start to seem a little too nice or needy? I’m not even sure how I act.

I do not know how to pick someone that will be good for me and healthy.  I have not idea how I can change these habits.  I know it’s all about self-love and self-worth.  I can tell you I have none of these.  I don’t really see these issues improving by repeating how good of a person I am or reading self help book.  My neighbor asked me out last week and I told him no but that we can be friends as I’m taking a break from dating.  I’ve probably known him for about 2 years.  I’ve noticed that my texting seems odd and all over the place.  I was being weird. There’s no doubt about it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but it feels like some things are getting worse not better.

Lindsey