Dear Tineoidea,

I’d say that more than anything, I wanted him to reflect, apologize and own up to his nasty behavior. Perhaps you’re right to a degree though. When I bond, I bond for life so I can’t just discard my loyalty on the spot, more so after so many years.

A part of you wanted him to reflect and apologize. But a part of you wanted him to “soften up and come to terms” with the new situation – that he isn’t your number one, as he used to be, if I understood well? (“To him the issue was that she was “replacing” him as my closest friend.“) He was jealous and my impression is that you tried to appease him, reassure him that his friendship still means a lot to you and that you don’t want to lose him.

You said that he was possessive and controlling, and I assume he was like that throughout your friendship. How did his possessiveness manifest (if you care to talk about it)? Was he jealous of your other friends, your career, or other achievements  in your life? You did say he recently endangered your livelihood…

How did you feel about your friendship? Did you feel some guilt around him? I am asking because it may help you understand what made you susceptible to someone as possessive and as it turns out, toxic, as him.

Thinking back, cutting him off right away perhaps would have prevented all of this mess from happening.

Probably, but at least certain things came to light, e.g. that she is very easily manipulated due to her childhood wounds, and also that you need to re-evaluate your friendship with him. It would have come to light sooner or later, so perhaps better sooner than later.

I’ll cross my fingers and hope for her to come to senses sooner than later. All of this has been extremely wrong and I’ve been dealing with a strong sense of uneasiness and chest/heart pains daily.

I can imagine it’s been a huge stress for you to witness your relationship fall apart before your eyes, and not really understand what’s going on. I hope that we managed to pinpoint the main problem, and that things are a bit clearer now. I too hope you’ll  be able to talk to her, and that she snaps out of her delusion.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Tee.