“You don’t need to hate them.”

Hate is somehow an alien feeling to me. I don’t know how exactly it feels to hate and I don’t hold grudges. The strong negative feelings I do feel are deep disappointment and a feeling of “unfairness” (and not necessarily towards me).

“It’s most probably related to your childhood. Was there anyone in your childhood who reminds you of either of them?”

My childhood happened over many places and so I never really managed to make close friends as we would move somewhere else every single year or even more often. I spent most of the time by myself, usually reading, exploring or creating something.

Things very also very hard economically (poverty, starvation, humiliation, etc) as I was raised by my mother who went through hell for it. The father cheated on her and dumped us when I was a toddler, and his side of the family plus his new woman always tried to hurt and slander us in one way or another, going as far as trying to kill my mother and me. Obviously there was never any support from them except from my grandpa who was a good person and always managed to sneak out some help for us, but he was under the boot of my cruel grandma. It actually hurts to call those people “father” or “grandma”, we’ve removed them from our lives and changed countries a very long time ago.

After that, my teenage years weren’t much easier and we still moved often. I basically spent them growing up online, which to me was a good way to escape the pain of daily life, make actual long-term friendships and so on.