Dear Tineoidea,

The living situation is mine to handle and I’m doing what I can, there’s no plan because a plan is impossible in my case

He runs a company in the field where my skills are relevant, I didn’t go into detail, only that me and her worked together, and he was actually very polite and helpful, giving me both tips and practical help like offering to introduce me to some companies which may be good for me.

It appears you do have a plan, or at least an idea, where to look next. So there is a possibility to apply for a job in that same country where you ex lives, but through different channels…

He was also obviously hurt by her but didn’t say anything negative, just that she’s also refusing to talk to him.

So you didn’t tell her ex that you were involved with her, but only that she refuses to talk to you? And then he said that she refuses to talk to him too?

The emotional side cannot be molded though, and I’m not somebody who forgets. I do not want to bear with the pain and that distorted image of her for the rest of my life.

You’d need to deal with your emotions though, in order to move forward.

I’m not somebody who forgets.

You said earlier that you don’t hold grudges and you don’t hate. Someone who doesn’t forget (having been hurt) and has trouble bearing with the pain is someone who does hold grudges, in my view.

If you allow your emotions to stay cemented (“cannot be molded”), you won’t be able to heal and learn lessons from this experience, so you don’t repeat it again.