This morning I was given the task of mapping “Realistic Picture of Myself”. It was daunting and really left me perplexed as I had to write down how I see myself (Negative(N) and Positive(P) things). I don’t know why, but I will write down my thoughts. Maybe it will give me some inner peace or maybe it’s just to address my messed up self-image. Anyway,

1. Physical Appearance

• Short (5’8/5’9 feet) – N
• Curly hair – N
• Bulky Nose – N
• Hunching – N
• Short legs – N
• Short Torso – N
• Beady Eyes – N
• Chipped teeth – N
• No defined chin – N
• Skin rashes – N
• Skinny – N
• Olive skin – P

2. Personality

• Cold and introvert – N
• Insecure and always on alert – N
• Easily annoyed and aggressive – N
• Distant and full of self-doubt – N
• Trapped in my past – N
• Unloveable and Lost – N
• Moody – N
• Emotional – N
• Overly Sensitive – N
• Weak-minded – N
• Fearful – N
• Pessimist – N
• Sometimes apathetic – N

3. Mental Functioning

• Impulsive and act before I think – N
• Not good to resolve problems and issues – N
• Always looking for the easy-way out – N
• Non-confrontational, “run” and “hide” from problems – N
• No cognitive and social skills  – N
• Good Memory – P
• Learn by doing – P

4. Emotional Landscape

• Moody, long periods of low and complete lack of self-esteem. – N
• Long periods of low energy and depression – N
• Insecurity and lack of self-esteem since childhood. -N
• Jealousy, fear, anger and regrets -N
• Stuck in the past, and second-guessing all life decisions. – N
• Give up and quit before even trying. – N
• Trouble expressing feelings, and easily lash out/blow up on family and friends. – N

5. Performance at School/Work

• Never been any good at school – N
• Lazy, always looking for the short-cuts and easy ways out. – N
• Never been eager to learn or had any discipline – N
• Unfocused and easy distracted – N
• Picks up things easy – P

6. Performance on Everyday tasks

• All tasks are doable and easy to follow – P
• Procrastinate every task – N
• Easily bored – N
• Terrible at scheduling and planning activities. – N

7. Friendships

• Don’t have any close friends or acquaintances – N
• Not good at keeping friends – N
• Trust issues and always on alert – N
• Always striving for giving a good first impression – N/P
• Easily forget important dates and happenings- N

8. How other People view me

• Strange and awkward – N
• Reserved and suspicious – N
• Boring and complete lack of self-esteem – N
• Unattractive and non-existent – N
• Pathetic, unloveable and lonely – N
• Dumb and Mentally disturbed – N

9. Love Relationship

• Protecting and caring – P
• Lack of patience and understanding – N
• Immature and non confrontational – N
• Hide feelings and afraid of expressing my true feelings – N

10. How will people remember you

• Loser and unsuccessful – N
• Didn’t manage to maintain and/or make any relationships – N
• Waste of opportunities – N
• Waste of potential – N
• Sad, depressed and hopeless – N
• Poisonous – N

Tomorrow, I will have to challenge each of these thoughts and address if they are true or not.

This has been the most productive session for me so far. I know there are many negatives, but this is what is inside my head.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Javier.