Hi Anita,

Im still just totally exhausted, to the point where i become really wired and cant relax. Lucky me i can still sleep. The work i have at the moment is intense and demands a lot but i dont seem to get anywhere.. it feels im shooting laser beams on Mars and others are staring with their mouth open and a cigarette hanging from their lips. I can say ive done my best with this year but its definitely trying to kill me.

And when you are really struggling, as a single person, at a time like this you need support. Luckily i have some friends around if i need them but family are still not talking to me and i have no idea why? except that my mom told me I am selfish, which came out of the blue. If i complain to her when im worn out because i have two jobs she says im lucky because i live alone and dont have to check decisions with someone else…my attention is drawn to my poor sister (making a lot of money with a family) or the family friend but my tough situation is never validated with her. And if something is wrong why would they not SAY SO!?. Sometimes i wonder what they expect is going to happen,  will i get over their comments and come crawling back to them so that they dont have to apologise at all? just forget it? or explode from how miserable they are. Am i being unfair? I keep wondering what it was that i did. or if they are actually sick? am i? I certainly can´t read minds but i can feel damaged by their actions.

I have clients  in my working life who demand and yell at me, everyone gets what they wants but are very angry about it all the way through (from stress)….recently one actually apologised and i was a little surprised, we dont get apologies very often.

I just feel angry at the way im treated and yet i have no idea how to fix it. Things dont seem to improve but just drag out, on and on.

Should i reach out to my parents, to my sister?