@TeaK:

Chronic pain can be related to blocked emotions, e.g. chronic shoulder pain can be related to feeling that you need to hold “the weight of the world” on your shoulders. You said you feel responsible to solve your parents’ problems – so in a way this could give you the feeling that it’s you who need to carry the burden (while others have it easy, like your sister).

It could very well be that when you start working on your emotional wounds, the chronic pain would subside too.

As I understand, right now you’re pretty much unable to move to a place of your own, because 1) you don’t have a job, 2) due to covid, and 3) because you don’t want to share a place with an unknown person, whom you don’t trust.

So you’re pretty much confined to your parents’ apartment and sharing the room with your sister. So physically, you can’t move and be free. But mentally and emotionally, you might be able to “move” and feel freer. One thing I believe would help you is not to expect to get empathy and understanding from your parents. Because you try to communicate with them, and it falls on deaf ears. Recently you broke down in front of your mother because she didn’t show compassion for you, and the friend that you had complained to earlier didn’t either:

Yes that’s what I thought too, that it’s an emotional/ blocked emotions. I’ve been to the doctor to get multiple x-rays and they said it seems fine. I went to get acupuncture and it only helped for a few minutes before it started hurting again. I’ve been trying EFT tapping and feel it does help reduce the pain, but I have to do it constantly every hour as the pain starts again.

I’ve been putting off on the personal development course I’ve paid for but just tried to resume it yesterday and today. I’ve also been trying to journal more often too since I got a lot of new cute notebooks I’m excited to use.

Yes I know I can’t expect to get empathy and understanding from parents, and taking the personal development course, it makes sense why I get so triggered by their actions or lack of actions because of the many emotional core wounds I developed from my upbringing (which I am still learning about and trying to work on and I know will take many years to work on).

I know it’s best and ideal to talk to a therapist, but I can’t afford that right now. So I’m just looking for online support or support group I could talk to as I don’t have that in real life.