Dear SSS,

Happy New Year, and apologies for the late reply.

Due to my OD, I’m struggling with neurological complications, and my left arm is paralyzed.

I’m turning 43 this year. I agree, I need to let bygones be bygones. I’m trying ACT therapy to effectively handle those negative feelings. But I get easily caught up in a conceptualized past and future, I dwell on painful memories and ruminate over my past. I’m stuck with unpleasant memories of rejection, disappointment, and failures. I worry about things that haven’t yet happened and focus negatively on all the things I have to do next. And in the process, I miss out on life.

My mind reminds me daily-That I’m useless, unloveable, I have no self-awareness and have no self-esteem. I’m a joke and so is my life. Every morning, as I wake up, I’m reminded of this.

I’m afraid of ageing and afraid of changes. Usually, people, while ageing, become wiser, stronger, and less stressed. In my case, it’s the opposite. I’m getting weaker and weaker with time.

I don’t know why, but the feeling of time-passing is un-describable. I get the sense that time puts more distance between me and my love-ones, especially my deceased loved ones with every year that goes by.