Hi anita!

It’s so good to talk to you again. You probably won’t remember me but I gave you my name back then so I will use it. This is Girija. I hope you are doing well. The threads are still there, I found them. I show up as Anonymous, inactive. I used the same email to create both the accounts, I don’t see an option to reactivate my old account. Would you know where to get that option? Or maybe I could reply on that with the new account?

I am ashamed of that thread for how it ended. I disappeared without saying anything, but you were so helpful there and I am grateful for that. My conclusion that my problems are beyond the external came from my interactions with you and my own introspections after I left tinybuddha. I couldn’t handle exploring my problems then and simply quit. I am very sorry for doing that. I couldn’t handle it. I left without saying bye or a thanks, I’m very sorry about that. I read that thread now and see how resistant I was to look at the source of my problems. I feel terrible about it.

You are right I don’t want to take the pain anymore. Honestly, I am not sure if I can either, I am worried I’ll get a heart attack or stroke.

I’ll bring back the thread with the new account, if you are ok with that, it’s called “Advice for the lost and weary”.  When I do, I am worried you will see who I am and not reply and I can understand that. I am sorry again. I will reply on it with this account. I will own up to my mistake. And I know, I can’t expect you to forgive me, so I won’t but please know I am sorry. Thank you for helping a stranger. You were there on the thread to talk to even through my mother’s surgery. Thank you!

I’ve been to counselling but it did not work out. I needed a space where I did not want somebody saying everyone has good and bad. I already know that and acknowledge it but knowing someone is also good does not help with this pain, it makes me feel guilty or wrong for feeling this way.

Girija